To: All Sales Staff
Subject: Bang-eth!
Sales figues for Bang-eth! hath broken all previous records as the worst selling book of all time.
Due to Brian the Wises’ titanic over-calculation of demand we art massively over-stocked and our warehouses hath no room for incoming stock of new material from credible authors. We estimate that verily soon Brian the Wise wilst be coming out of His state of depression and wilst more than likely become-eth verily angry and start looking for-eth someone to blame. To avoid any unnecessary smiting and pestilences upon the earth, we art taking the unprecendented step of asking all our sales staff for ANY ideas they may hath for moving this unwanted stock.
Thou suggestions wilst be gratefully accepted and thou can be-eth assured of a verily large Christmess bonus.
Management
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INTER-OFFICE MEMORANDUM (NFP)
To: Management
Subject: Bang-eth!
We, the Sales Staff, hath put our collective heads together and come-eth up with a verily cunning plan. It art as follows:
We sayeth unto Brian the Wise He must goeth forth unto the demands of His public and bring-eth Bang-eth! unto the multitudes! We think His ego art big enough that He wilst fall for this, hook-eth, line and sinker! We will pack Him off to some far flung-eth countries and suggesteth to Him that His book art in demand and He must maketh of public appearances.
Sales
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INTER-OFFICE MEMORANDUM (NFP)
To: Sales Staff
Subject: Bang-eth!
What a brilliant plan! Much praise be upon ye! Expect-eth verily big Christmess bonuses this year. We shalt prepareth of an itinerary at once. We shall pay-eth corrupt governments/rulers to take-eth as many copies of Bang-eth! as they can.
Management
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INTER-OFFICE MEMORANDUM (NFP)
To: Management
Subject: Bang-eth!
While we art in no doubt that these desperate measures must be taken to clear the tremendous stockpile of Bang-eth Books we feel we shouldst thusly point out unto ye that paying these corrupt-eth leaders to take-eth Bang-eth!, art putting money into dangerous hands and possibly enabling them to purchase Weapons of Mass Destruction-eth!
Sales Staff
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INTER-OFFICE MEMORANDUM (NFP)
To: Sales Staff
Subject: Bang-eth!
We understand-eth of thou concerns, however-eth, we ask that ye think about the Mass Destruction-eth that wilst be inflicted upon the Earth shouldst Brian the Wise become-eth further depressedeth and angry. His smiting, sulking and assorted inflictions will cause unimaginable chaos. Hell, it couldst even be-eth Armageddon! Therefore, we sayeth unto ye, what art a few WMDs compared unto the Wrath of Brian the Wise?
The tour wilst goeth ahead as planned.
Management
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