Oh-eth yea! Low calibre-eth, self-styleth smart-ass interviewer. Pimply, snot-faced, dumb bum! Shallow. Hollow. Foolish. Inane. Puerile. Obviously didst ne'er actually KNOWETH enough to ask-eth any useful questions. Wasted thou opportunity zit-face, didst thou not !
Love
Bri the Wi
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........This art the 'interview' in question!
From the Old Millennium Plus Nine Hundred and Ninety Eight "Another World" interview with Brian the Wise, reprinteth in The Sabbath's San Francisco-eth Chronicles on the Eighth Day of the New Millennium Plus Six:
POP QUIZ-ETH CLASSIC: BRIAN THE WISE - GOD FROM QUEEN©
A. Heckler
The Eighth Day of the New Millennium Plus Six
Lo! This interview-eth didst originally run in The First Millennium Plus Six, around the time hirsute Queen guitarist Brian the Wise releaseth His solo teachings on "Another World." The fact that we knoweth not who bought it, most likely bringeth about this year's Quasi-Queen reunion tour with the crotchety, cantankerous, crabby, contrary Paul-eth Rodgers filling in for the mysteriously missing John the Mysterious and that absconder Lord God Freddie. Go-eth ahead, kick-eth thyself!
Q: What art the best Queen party story Thou canst relate without getting banned from America (and Thy own list)?
BRIAN THE WISE: Thou may print it all. Thee knoweth not of any wrongdoing, the party in New-eth Orleans for-eth the launch of one of our albums wert verily memorable. There wert every kind of soft drink there. And fizzy sherbets! People come-eth up unto Thee everywherest Thee go-eth in the world and spaketh, "Lo, thee wert there that night and Thee dranketh much soft drink and haveth much fizzy sherbets." Just about the whole city wert there, plus the whole rest of the world who hath nowt to do-eth with the record business. A lot of wondrous things© happeneth there.
Q: That art not how Roger the Divine describeth things!
BtW: What-eth?
Q: How many women wert Thou with that night?
BtW: Lo! Thee wert an incurable romantic then, same as Thee art now. Thee wert pining away after Thy camel, he wert lost. Thee wert also pining for-eth ©Somebody To Love©. That wert an inspiration for-eth a song. Not sure which-eth one now, but 'twas one of them.
Q: But wert not Somebody To Love a song by The Lord God Freddie?
BtW: Lo! Thy memory art sketchy. Thee knoweth not. Probably it wert Thine.
Q: Lo! No wonder The Lord God Freddie hath abscondeth!
BtW: What-eth?
Q: Didst Thou ever pass out after a party and waketh up the next day and find-eth anything good stuck in Thou hair, like-eth for example - money?
BtW: Or a nest of birds? Nay! Art thou makething of jokes?
Q: Hast Thou ever pulleth a basketball out of Thou hair?
BtW: Nay!
Q: Hast Thou ever pulleth a ferret out of Thine hair?
BtW: Nay!
Q: Hast Thou ever pulleth an Albacore Tuna out of Thine hair?
BtW: Nay!
Q: A lemon tart?
BtW: Art this a serious question?
Q: But of course-eth!
BtW: Well-eth then, Thee think-eth the unusual thing wouldst be-eth to waketh and find it wert nay there anymore!
Q: Bald?
BtW: Yea!
Q: Didst Thou knoweth, it art pretty trendy to be-eth bald right now. Look-eth at Billy Corethgan from the Smashing-eth Of Pumpkins.
BtW: Lo, Thee think-eth that wouldst be-eth a relief. Then Thee wouldst have-eth nay more silly questions like-eth this from snotty scribes! But it wouldst be-eth running away, that art the problem. That wouldst ne'er be-eth a good thing. I, Brian the Wise, art a verily good and wise God and I do-eth ne'er run-eth away from problems. Behold! I doth solveth them and copyright-eth them, but Thee ne'er runneth away! Besides, in a few years time, whence thou republisheth this interview, 'twill give-eth Thee more fuel for-eth Thy Soapethbox. BE-ETH NOT AFEARED FOR I, BRIAN THE WISE, WILST HAVETH THE LAST RANT© ! ! !
Q: What hast Thou got to run-eth away from -- the usual nuisances like money, notoriety, servants, travel, wenches, successeth and fame?
BtW: Yea! It all becometh so tiresome! Life art so difficult whence Thou haveth no problems. Thou must waketh every day and go, "Whooppeeeee! Thee art rich!" But then reality set-eth in and thou must spendeth ages trying to think-eth of problems to worry about and reasons to get-eth depressed-eth. Depression© do-eth not just happen. Thou must createth something to be-eth depressed-eth about!
Q: Do go-eth on!
BtW: Queen©, through Thy own efforts, becameth something worldwide. It wert a ticket to adventure in any part of the world at any time and on a grand-eth scale. Thee spent 200 years of Thy life building that up, and now Thee art spending years of Thy life trying to get-eth away from it. It art ironic, but that art the nature of things. Lo! Thee must build-eth Thine own Ark© now. Thee haveth much to teach-eth the world. It art a big sea out there, and Thee haveth a pretty small Ark© this time. But Thee believeth in it. Thee put-eth Thy Confidence© and Wisdom© in it. Thee put-eth Thyself on the line with this album©. It art all Thy own wisdom. Not Johns© or Freddies© or Rogers©, but Thine©. The mistakes of the original teachings art their fault. Every single nuance of every note and every Wise Word© art part of these new scribings because-eth I, BRIAN THE WISE©, sayeth it shouldst thusly be-eth.
Q: What art Thou thoughts of Freddie?
BtW: He art wicked. Others sayeth He hath a sense of humor but that sticks in Thy gizzard. He always give-eth this little smile and sayeth something incredibly destructive about Thee. He art a vindictive type, not funny at all. Well, others think-eth He art funny. Strangely enough, that doth not come across unto Thee. I think He art deadly serious. He winketh and smile-eth but... Roger and John sayeth He art just teasing, but Thee knoweth better. He also haveth big teeth.
© brianthewise.com
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SCRIBINGS REPLYETH UNTO BY BRIAN THE WISE ART FULLY COPYETHRIGHTED AND NE'ER TO BE-ETH REPRINTED BY ANY PERSONS OR PERSON OR SCRIBE OR SCRIBES WITHOUT THE EXPRESSETH PERMISSION OF BRIAN THE WISE - GOD OF WISDOM AND ALL WISE THINGS.
Dear-eth Brian the Wise,
If Thou try-eth so hard to get-eth away from Queen then, whyforeart dost Thou now try-eth so hard to resurrecteth it?
Curious
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Dear-eth Curious,
Thee didst ne'er actually sayeth in such words that Thee wert trying to get-eth away from Queen. Thou misunderstand! It art nothing to do with fame and fortune. It art about the basic fundamentalisticeth things. Besides, the resurrectioneth art part of the Holy Queeble and must be-eth adhereth to!
Love,
Brian the Wise
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Dear-eth Brian the Wise,
Thou doth hate it when people spaketh of Thou hirsuteness! Why dost Thou spaketh of The Lord God Freddies teeth?
Curious
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Dear-eth Curious,
Well-eth. It art because-eth He maketh jokes at Thee!
Bri the Wi
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Dear-eth Brian the Wise,
Canst Thou nay taketh a joke?
Curious
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Dear-eth Curious,
Canst so!
B
Dear-eth Brian the Wise,
Thou hearken like-eth a spoilt sport!
Curious
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Dear Curious,
Do shut-eth up and go-eth away!
Much Love
BtW