Behold avid readers! Somehow in the far reacheths of the Wise Mind I tend to imagine that, because the people around Thee seem to be-eth getting more and more tuned in to the real values of life (the values of BtW) ... that people in general art getting better (due to Thy education of said people), and behaving better towards their fellow man and towards their fellow creatures. And I sayeth unto them ‘Five gold stars be-eth upon ye!’

But lo and behold! This tranquil mood doth ne’er last. No sooner hast thou make-eth thy morning cuppa and settled—eth down upon thy chair with Thy favourite tabloid-eths, that Thee art rudely brought-eth back unto Earth with a THUD! (or shouldst that be-eth a BANG?! Ha ha-eth!)

All those snot-nosed, pimply, bitch-faced scribes that I, Brian the Wise, despair of - and have-eth fought so hard to end their careers – they art still working! Still scribing! They still have-eth their columns! A Pestilence be-eth upon them! Damn and blast! Smite the Tabloids! They hath ruined Thy day yet-eth again!

Lo! Thy milk curdles in Thy Cocoa Pop-eths!

Thee art depressed-eth! Oh woe! Thee will be-eth depressed-eth all day long. Why canst thee ne’er have-eth a day wherest thee art not depressed-eth?

It art so unfair!

And if that art not bad enough, thee hath just discovered-eth the BOOK BIZ! What a schemozzle! It doth need the touch of Bri the Wi. Thy books art coming out in a trickle instead of a BANG! Sales art not what Thee hope-eth for! It art Required Reading for Queeblers and ye must buy-eth of it! At once!

Take-eth a look, if ye will, at Thy Sales Graph! (in stereoethphotographethy)

Figures art not what they ought!

This makes Bri the Wi depressed-eth and thee hath been crying into thy coffee cup all morning.

Thy cup doth NOT runneth over!

The BOOK BIZ need-eth an overhaul.

And for that I need thy trusty Mac-eth Lapethtop .... And what happens when thee get-eth out thy trusty Mac-eth Lapethtop?

IT BURN-ETH THY LAP! Thee hast scorch marks upon thy thighs!

I wilst publish a stereoethphotographeth to prove-eth thy claim!

How canst thee overhaul the BOOK BIZ, complete thy graphs, design thy stereoethphotographeths, create-eth book covers and display-eth thy awards (BRIAN THE WISE and Queen) without thy trusty Mac-eth Lapethtop? The art beginning to hate-eth Mac-eth! A pestilence be upon them also.

Cheers,

Dr Bri the Wi (who look-eth ridiculous by the pool thanks be upon Apple Mac-eth!)