‘O, woe, Thee art so woe!’ He crieth and moaneth all day long until The Other Gods hath hath enough!

‘Enough!’ they saith unto Him. ‘Thou whining art driving Us bonkers! Even the Vodka doth not drown out Thou wailing. Why dost Thou not pisseth off somewhere else thither yonder and whine?” And they didst throw empty bottles at Him.

‘O, Ye ne’er understandeth Thee!’ crieth Brian the Wise hysterically and He ran off unto the backyard and fell into a puddle.

‘O, Thee art even MORE woe! Thy clogs art wet, thy underpants art drencheth and The Other Gods doeth not care!’ he ranted and burst into tears.

And there, beside the puddle, Brian the Wise, with hot tears stinging His face, didst thusly decideth to taketh His camel and run away thither yonder unto the desert.

And so He did .

‘That wilst fix them’ He thought sullenly yet smugly unto Himself as He rode off into the sunset with His wet underpants chaffing against His milky white skin.

He rode and rode over the dunes well into the night until the camel got fed up with the ‘musty underpants smell’ lingering in the air and demandeth that they pitcheth camp for the night.

‘Build a fire O Wise One and drieth thou underpants’ saith the camel.

‘But I doeth not smoke and therefore I hath nay matches! Howforeart I supposed to light a fire?’ saith a surly Brian.

‘Christ Almighty! Thou canst droppeth a fart big enough to start the bloody Universe, surely Thee canst start a little campfire, thou great tosser! Rub some goddam sticks together.’ saith the camel for he wert somewhat annoyed with Brian the Wise.

‘It wert not Thy fart, it wert Rogers!’ pouted Brian but He didst quickly rubbeth of the sticks together.

And the fire wert lit.

And Brian the Wise didst thusly hangeth up His underpants to dry and trieth to cover his nakedness with a fig leaf.

And then He fell asleep.

And then the fig leaf bleweth off.

And the camel didst fair pisseth himself laughing because a big bumblebee didst land on the Wise Willy.

‘Oh go on, bite Him - pleeeeeeeease!?’ saith the camel.

And so the big bumblebee didst raise up his mighty stinger liketh a heat seeking missile and prickus Brian the Wise upon His willy.

Brian the Wise didst shoot out of His bed liketh a rocket launcher, screaming and cursing and blaspheming, smiting everything within His reach.

The camel roareth laughing.

‘O, Thee art in agony!’ crieth Brian the Wise.

Between gasps and splutters the camel saith unto Him ‘Thou must pulleth out the sting!’

‘I canst ne’er doeth that! Thou do it!’ saith Brian the Wise horrified.

‘I ain’t touching that!’ exclaimeth the camel, ‘getteth out the sting or ye wilst bloweth up like a beach ball.’

‘Nay! I canst’ sayeth Brian the Wise and He watcheth in horror as His willy puffeth up to 6.7338 times its’ normal size.

‘Ye Gods! Taketh a look Thy rude bits. I art grotesqueth!’ groaneth Brian the Wise.

‘Wow-eth! Thou art almost as biggus as Roger the Divine and The Lord God Freddie’ saith the camel, astonished.

‘What art I to doeth?’ bemoaned Brian the Wise, ‘Thy underpants wilst ne’er fitteth Thee again.

‘Well, ye must cover thou nakedness with something. Useth of Thy Bang! Book’ saith the camel.

And Brian the Wise gently covereth of His swollen nakedness with a nice, crisp, lenticular copy of Bang! And they packeth up camp and set off.

‘Whereforeart we going?’ asked the camel.

‘I knoweth not!’ sulked Brian the Wise, ‘how canst I showeth Thy face anywherest looking thusly?’

‘It art not Thy face people wilst notice’ saith the camel and he thusly pisseth himself laughing again.

‘Shut-eth up, hairy brute, it art NAY funny!’ snorted Brian the Wise.

And soon they came upon a tribe of nomads wandering about in the desert.

‘Greetings upon ye!’ saith Brian the Wise, ‘I art Brian the Wise, thou God! Hast thou bought a copy of Thy book, Bang! ?’

‘Nay, we hath not!’ saith the nomads ‘Art that it there upon Thy lap?’

‘Well, er, yea, but I hath other copies in thy camel-bags’ saith Brian the Wise, somewhat embarrassed, and He gaveth them a copy.

‘O, this art crap!’ saith the nomads, ‘we wanteth the X Rated copy liketh thous! Thous hath a Sealed Section in the middle and a free Sex Toy!’

‘Nay! It doth not!’ choked Brian the Wise, turning puce with humiliation and putting a pestilence upon all bumblebees.

‘Thou dost! It art right there in Thy lap! Thou art trying to hideth it from Us’ jeered the nomads and they snatched it from Him.

‘Ah-eth!’ crieth Brian the Wise as He scrambled to cover His nakedness, ‘Giveth it back!’

‘Nay!’ crieth the nomads, ‘we wilst learneth thou secrets and haveth a willy as big as thous!’ and they gallopeth off unto the desert, STEALING Brian the Wises’ nicest, crispest, most lenticular copy of Bang! because they thought it wert an X Rated version.

‘SWIPING BITCHES!’ screamed Brian the Wise, ‘I ACCUSE THEM OF THEFTERY! AFTER THEM CAMEL!’

‘But thou art naked! Thou canst not goeth chasing nomads in the desert whence thou art naked, people wilst think thou art a poof!’ saith the camel.

‘O, woe art Thee! What art I to doeth?’ crieth Brian the Wise

‘Capitalise on it, thou fool!’ saith the camel.

‘Huh-eth?’ saith Brian the Wise

‘Sex Selleth!’ saith the camel, ‘Thou hast cometh out here unto the desert, sulking and moaning because Bang! Art not selling, right?’

‘Perhaps-eth’ sulked Brian the Wise.

‘Thou got bitten by a bumblebee, thou willy swelleth up, thou underpants doth nay fit, thou cover thy nakedness with a copy of Bang! and they thinketh Bang! art full of sex secrets and wilst increase the size of thy penis! That art why they wanted it! God, thou art as thick aa two short planks sometimes!’ saith the camel.

‘But how doth that helpeth Thy sales? asketh Brian the Wise.

‘Doth I hath to spell it out for thee? Put out an X Rated copy of Bang! with a sealed section in the middle and a free sex toy. I guarantee thy sales wilst sky-rocket!’ saith the camel.

And Brian the Wise didst quickly copyethright the idea.