NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH!

Good Eveningeth....Queeble Reporter #2 reporting live from the Judgething Arena in Dickus County.

Ben of Eltonia hath been given the unenviable tasketh of choosing the new Head of Dickus County. The title of BIGGUS DICKUS willeth be bestowedeth upon the God of Ben of Eltonias' choosing and Lo! We cometh unto thee LIVE as he maketh of his decision.

Now that The Lord God Freddie hath been duly crowned "Emperor of The Land Of The Rising Great Ball of Fire" and John the Mysterious hath won the battle to reign supreme over Nevereth Nevereth Land (defeating in battle and smear campaigns - Michael Jacksbrethen), it art now up to Ben of Eltonia to maketh this most distressing of decisions.
Whyforeart it such a distressing decision thee mayeth well ask?

Lo! Behold! The title of BIGGUS DICKUS, ruler of the County "Dickus" hath long held the tradition that those whoeth foreart compete foreth the title must be judgeth soley on the size of their Holy Begatting Instrument....their penis!

Ben of Eltonia willeth undoubtedly incureth the wrath of the losing God for declaring He hath a tiny penis! Ben of Eltonia art verily brave indeed...knowing he willeth be smited in the end.

Ben of Eltonia looketh pale and verily nervous...and rightly so-eth !

We crosseth now .... live unto the judgething arena!

Brian the Wise: "I art taller and so-eth it goeth without spaking that thy penis art the biggest"
Ben of Eltonia: "Roger the Divine? Thou careth to comment?"
Roger the Divine: "Behold! Alloweth thee to demonstrate unto thee with thy microphone!"

Ben of Eltonia: "Welleth! I musteth admit, I hath heard the stories!"
Roger the Divine: "The microphone ne'er lies Thy Holy Begatting Instrument art an erection to beholdeth!"
Brian the Wise: "This art but a stupid game! I art most worthy for the title and thy public knoweth this! Playeth of thy silly games, thee shalleth not! Stoppeth, please stoppeth!"

Ben of Eltonia: "Arise then, Almighty Gods, and we shall see-eth whoforeart possess the besteth begatting instrument!"
Roger The Divine: "Lo! Doth thee wisheth to causeth a riot?"
Brian the Wise: "Thy divine followers knoweth that I art worthy for I art wise. Sizeth hath nothing unto do-eth with it!"

Queeble Reporter #2: "'Lo! And thee can hearken unto the roar of the multitudes there, can thee-eth not!
The verily staunch supporters of Brian the Wise doeth chant "We loveth thee oh Bri the Wi" and the femme fatale fans of Roger the Divine doeth faint in anticipation....

Ben of Eltonia: "Whyforeart all those girls fainteth?"
Brian the Wise: "They art loyal. They art true fans! Thy knoweth I art wise and worthy"
Roger the Divine: "Bollocks! They art seeneth thy begatting stick afore!"
Ben of Eltonia: "OK-eth! Revealeth unto us then, the Holy Begatting Instruments!"
Brian the Wise: "Nay! Thy willeth not stoop unto such lowly tacethtics! Thou art silly. I art WISE! Hearken unto thee!"
Roger the Divine: "Woo Hoo! Checketh it out!!!"

Roger the Divine: "Whaddyareckon?"
The Lord God Freddie (from the crowd) "Yea, but canst thou juggle?"
Brian the Wise: "Little show off - I willest not loseth thy cool"

Roger the Divine: "Ha Ha Good one Lord God Freddie!"
Ben of Eltonia: "Ha! Ha! It looketh as thougheth we hath a winner!"
Brian the Wise: "That weret not funny! I inventeth of humour. This cannot be-eth happening! There will be-eth revenge!"

Ben of Eltonia: ROGER THE DIVINE - THOU HATH THE MOST IMPRESSIVE BEGATTING INSTRUMENT AND I DO-ETH HEREBY ANNOUNCETH THEE TO BE-ETH THE WINNER AND THEREFOREART THOU ART THE NEW RULER OF DICKUS COUNTY! --- ---- ---- THE NEW BIGGUS DICKUS!"

Queeble Reporter #2: "And the multitude roareth!" Ben of Eltonia: 'Man, am I going to cop-eth the wrath of Brian the Wise now!"
Brian the Wise: "Thee art but dead, thee little dead shiteth!"
Roger the Divine: "Hopeth, do I, that He do-eth not hit me in thy Holy Gonads"

Brian the Wise: "Mother will hearken of this!"
Roger the Divine: "See-eth thee after the show girls"

Queeble Reporter #2: Well, there thou haveth it! Roger the Divine art the newly crowned 'Biggus Dickus". The crowd, surprisingly mostly wenches, art ecstatic. The Lord God Freddie art squealing with delight. John the Mysterious art mysteriously nowhere to be-eth seen and it art verily hot in here.

Weret it just thee, or would thou sayeth the Brian the Wise did not looketh happily upon His fellow God?

Thou saweth it here on QNN first, multitudes, this hath been Queeble Reporter #2 reporting....