"Lo! Thee art verily woe!" cried Brian the Wise, "Thee seemeth to hath failed in makingeth the world a perfect place and thee art verily depressedeth and stressedeth"

"Thy big blubbery heart doth breaketh for Thou" sympathized the Fat Arsed Whale, for he weret verily fond of Brian the Wise and did dependeth upon Him for Tuna.

"Woe art Thee" cried Brian the Wise "Woe, woe, woe art Thee. What musteth Thee doeth to but overcometh this feeling of despaireth?"

"Haveth an idea doth thee!" declareth the Fat Arsed Whale, for he hath an idea.

"Mounteth thy camel at once, Brian the Wise, and do departeth unto the desert thither yonder until Thee findeth an oasis and meditate under the date palms until Thou spirit art cleansed and Thy heart hath lightened!' And The Fat Arsed Whale did thusly slip Brian the Wise a small package with the words "CAMEL" scribed upon it. Brian the Wise, thinking this to be the camels vitamin pills, thusly took the package and mountedeth the camel and did departeth thither yonder unto the desert in search of an oasis.

Trekking along unto the desert, poor Brian the Wise spirits did sink further unto depressioneth and His heart weret heavier still, for, did not the camel haveth verily bad breath and Lo! did he not farteth muchly all the way? Flies did swarmeth o'er Brian the Wise and torment Him muchly. And the vultures did circle and crappeth on Brian the Wise.

Waving His fist angrily at the vultures, He screameth "Stop that shittething upon Thy Holy Head! Did not Roger the Divine, John the Mysterious and the Lord God Freddie spaketh unto thee and telleth thee that the joketh hath gone too far?"

"Nay" cried the vultures and kepteth crapping.

"Oh woe art Thee" cried Brian the Wise as He swatted at the flies.

"Lo! Dead ahead. Twelve o'clock. Oasis. " sayeth the camel, for he could spake.

"Mercy! Thee art saved! Giddyup camel!" cried Brian the Wise and He did kick the camel.

"Thou Holy Prick" cried the camel indignantly and did buck mightily and throw Brian the Wise frometh the saddle. "How dareth thou kick thee! Thou can walketh!" he cried and trotted off unto the setting of the great ball of fire.

Outraged at the camels disrespect, Brian the Wise hath no choice, but to walk to the oasis thither yonder.

He weret verily tired whence He arriveth and did sit down by the date palm and bury His head unto His hands.

"Lo! Thee art ne'er been so woe!" He cried to no-one in particular. "Why doth thy spirit breaketh so?" He declared, slapping His hand across His heart as He spaketh. "What art this in Thy pocket?" He sayeth and pulleth out the package of CAMEL.

"Ye Gods! Blasphemy! Out dameth spot! Be gone! Lo! Behold!" He cried! "They art not camel vitamin pills, they art CIGARETTES! What weret that Fat Arsed Whale thinkingeth. Hath he goneth mad?"

The day weret almost done and Brian the Wise watcheth the setting of the great ball of fire and beganeth to feel cold, lonely and even more depressedeth.

"Twill be-eth dark soon and Thee art verily tired. Damn that camel, leavething Thee here in the middle of nowhere! Damn the multitudes there, for not hearkening unto Thy words of wisdom! Damn the Other Gods for teasing Thee and constantly playing tricks on Thee!' He shouted to no-one in particular.

"Thee must starteth a camp fire or Thee willeth freeze unto death!" He thought, and went off in search of some grass and sticks. Rubbing His sticks together He soon hath a fire burning and thought despondently "another great invention of Thine and not a soul about to lay eyes upon Thy brilliance!"

And he becameth more depressedeth.

With that, Brian the Wise tooketh a Camel from the package and did lighteth it from the fire and did smoke the cigarette. Then He did smoketh another cigarette and another and another. And Lo! did he not smoke cigarette upon cigarette until He was almost obliterated by a pile of butts.

"What art this strange feeling that cometh over Thee?" He cried to no-one in particular, for there weret no-one there, just a pile of butts.

"Thou feeleth light of head and light of heart and light of spirit. Thou feeleth chilled out man! Could it be that these cigarettes hath calmed Thy tormented soul?" and He thusly fell into a deep slumber.

Lying on His back with His mouth agape, Brian the Wise was torn from His slumber by a great wad of vulture crap strategically aimed at His tonsils.

Coughing and spluttering, He jumped up, angrily, only to see a pack of vultures laughing mercilessly at Him.

"Damn Thee!" He cried, spitting the foul tasting crap from His mouth.

"Thou art not a pretty sight thus morning!" came a voice from behind Him.

Lo! Were it not the camel, come back for Brian the Wise!

"Art Thou done with Thy meditation? Thee must away back to town for the annual camel races. Thee art this years favourite. If Thou wisheth Thou may come back with Thee.' sayeth the camel.

"Thou wish it" sayeth Brian the Wise meekly.

"Climb aboard then" sayeth the camel.

"Thanks be upon thee" sayeth Brian the Wise.

"Lo!" sayeth the camel "Thy poodle perm smells worse than thy butt! Hath Thee been smoking?"

"NAY! BLASPHEMER! THOU DOTH NOT SMOKE!!!' declared Brian the Wise.

"Whatever" sayeth the camel.