There is much debate amongst scholars and theologians about why this particular location continues to be chosen.

Some say that it is because the original name of Prestatyn was actually “Preosta Tun” (as recorded in the Domesday Book in 1086) which is Anglo Saxon and means ‘a settlement where two or more Priests reside’. Therefore it may possibly have an ancient and supernatural connection with the four prophets.

Others suggest that picking somewhere so remote, so desolate and so bloody awful is a true test of the devotion of the faithful. They say that only the truly faithful will put up with such dire conditions in order to profess their undying commitment to the cause.

There is of course an alternative school of thought ….. more prosaic, but probably has more basis in truth.

The proponents of this theory claim that Pontins Holiday Camp in Prestatyn is simply the cheapest place in the whole Great Britain that is capable of providing accommodation for so many people at any one time!

I, a humble Queeble disciple, was summarily despatched by the Queeble Prophets to investigate the astounding phenomena that is the UK Queen Convention.

Although a veteran of many conventions, both in the UK and abroad, this would be my first since having my eyes opened to the truth by the Queeble Prophets. Would this new knowledge alter my perception of the proceedings? Would I see the gathered fanatics in a new light? Would I be able to stop myself from gagging at the sight and sound of the sycophants as they went about their sickly ritualistic adoration of anybody remotely associated with the Gods who were Queen? Only time would tell.

Because of our tardiness we missed the official greeting but I have it on good authority that ‘Brian the Wise’, in his taped speech to the masses, chose to carry on his ‘soapbox’ ranting on the big screen. Standing strategically underneath a ‘No Smoking’ sign, he preached against the evils of smoking and of those who choose to undertake this apparently abhorrent activity.

The sound of booing could be heard from the bar area where many disgruntled fans shook their heads in disbelief and proceeded to light another cigarette in an open act of defiance. Will this man’s arrogance never wane?

The first live band of the weekend took to the stage soon after the opening speeches. Going by the name of “Mercury” they tried to emulate the greatness that was ‘Queen on stage’ but failed to rise much above being mediocre. Sorry guys but looking like the band isn’t what it’s about – anyone can wear the same clothes as Queen did on stage - it’s the quality of the music that’s important and you were found wanting in that crucial department.

I’m sure you can get away with it on the club circuit, or doing the rounds of the various holiday resorts during the summer, but this is the Official International Queen Fan Club Convention for Queeble’s sake!!! The audience watching you on this particular occasion are Queen aficionados and deserve better than this third rate rubbish.

Thankfully they eventually left the stage and the traditional Queen disco took over which lasted into the early hours. The bar was scheduled to close at 1am but Pontins know when they’re on a winner and it wasn’t until around 4am that the staff wearily closed the shutters.

Saturday morning started early (as mornings are wont to do) and those who were capable of dragging themselves from their beds made their way to the Marketplace in search of Queen goodies.

It seems that the ban on bootlegs has been totally lifted these days. In days of yore the bootlegs were kept underneath the desks and only exchanged hands at a prearranged signal or secret handshake – not so this year, they were on full display and none of the organisers seemed to give a hoot. This has been creeping in more and more over the past few years to be fair but this year seemed more blatant than ever. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing, bootlegs are all some people have left to collect, but I can’t help thinking a lot of fans were being ripped off by purchasing shoddy goods from disreputable salesmen.

The Saturday of convention weekend is always a busy day for those without hangovers or those who have a constitution strong enough to party both night AND day!

Aside from the compulsory trip around the marketplace there is a veritable feast of activities to undertake, should one feel so disposed - not all of them Queen related but they help pass the time and the prizes are usually some piece of tat with a Queen badge or photograph on them somewhere. Things such as the snooker, crazy golf or tug-of-war competitions are still quite popular for some reason, but hey, each to their own and all that sort of thing.

The arts and crafts exhibition continues to plunge to new depths of mediocrity. When it first started, a few years ago, the standard was very high but each successive year has seen a decline in quality and the less said about this year’s contributions the better!

For the anoraks amongst the throng there were talks by Simon Lupton (latest DVD material), Greg Brooks (archivist) and Mick Rock (celebrity photographer).

If even that was too much like hard work after a hectic night’s partying, one could always just relax and watch some of the videos on show throughout the day. Some of the delights for our delectation included, “Freddie Mercury – The Untold Story”, “Queen Live in Milton Keynes ‘82”, “Queen – Rare Live”, “Queen – Live at the Rainbow ‘74”, “Flash Gordon”, “Queen – Live in Brazil ‘81”, Queen – Live in Argentina ‘81”, “Behind the Freddie Tribute”, “Rock Shrines”, “The Making of One Vision” …. etc. etc. etc. and so on ad infinitum. I shan’t list ‘em all ‘cos it would go on for pages, but suffice to say one could spend the entire weekend just watching videos if one so desired.

Me? ….. I took myself off to the pub! ………. Well, I’ve got most of the videos already and there was live football on the big screen – Man United versus Chelsea - no contest really. Pity it was such a dire game!!

One of the more militant members of the “Queeble Popular Front” took it upon himself to seek out a particularly odious Dutchman to challenge him over his despicable actions regarding the Queeble website. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for the scumbag in question) the “Queeble Retribution Squad” was unable to locate this hateful individual. Perhaps he was in hiding, perhaps he hadn’t even shown up ….. but rest assured he will be tracked down one day and justice will be served upon him! It will be swift, it will be total and it will be without mercy!

Saturday night is traditionally the highlight of the weekend and once again it lived up to its reputation.  

The charity auction, as it always does, tempted the devoted to dig deep into their pockets in order to get their hands on a piece of Queen memorabilia. Some wonderful items were available to highest bidders again this year and pots of money were raised.

It’s an enthralling ritual that even if one isn’t tempted, or can’t afford, to bid on is still compulsive entertainment – I love it!!  

Hot on the heels of this spectacle came the Fancy Dress Parade. This year’s theme was “The Dreamer’s Ball” and it was obvious that many, many people had put a lot of time and effort into their costumes. The imagination and ingenuity of some of the participants is quite staggering and they all deserve praise for making the effort.  

Me? …… I wore my “Queeble” t-shirt ….. what else would a true disciple wear? Ok so it had absolutely nothing to do with the night’s theme but it still raised a few eyebrows!

Obviously the word of “The Queeble” was not unknown to some of the crowd and much finger pointing and nervous whispering ensued.  

Then ……. on stage came …….. JEFF SCOTT SOTO!!  

This guy’s show has to be seen to be believed – he is AWESOME! He did a complete Queen set that is beyond compare. Not since Queen themselves last took to the stage has anybody (at least in my experience) done justice to the music as well as JSS does. He has a stage presence that hypnotises the audience and a voice to die for – he is the real deal folks, if you get chance to see him – do so!  

His set lasted for a few minutes short of three hours ( yes, 3 HOURS!!) and was absolutely brilliant. He finished off with a short disco set that was equally stunning – he is a very talented and versatile performer. If there’s any justice in this world the man is going to be a HUGE star.  

Eventually, Jeff Scott Soto was allowed to reluctantly leave the stage and the Queen Disco got into full swing. Once again the night was scheduled to end at 1am but the ballroom was still full way into the wee small hours and many people only made their weary way back to their chalets as dawn broke over the cloud covered hills.  

Sunday morning was yet another test of some people’s resolve as the 5-a-side football competition and the Quiz team challenge both kicked off at 10am. Some hardy souls managed to drag themselves to one or the other ……  

Me? I surfaced just in time to get along to the Question and Answer session starring Crystal, Terry Giddings and Jim Hutton which started at around noon. This started off quite slowly with hesitance on both sides but soon warmed up as both Crystal and Terry proved to be very witty men. Jim struggled with the concept of actually speaking into the microphone so we could hear him but did quite well considering he was a last minute addition to the proceedings.

Soon it was time for Jamie Moses to revise his solo spot from a couple of years ago. He entertained the crowd with a few pieces on guitar and many amusing anecdotes. He is yet another immensely talented performer – no wonder Brian May refers to him as one of the best guitarist he’s ever played with. Apart from his obvious talent he is also a huge hit with the ladies and much drooling was in evidence from the female contingent.  

As on every other day there were a good number of videos being shown, either in Lunar’s Bar, or on QTV the dedicated Queen channel on the tv. Ken Testi and Mike Bersin were also scheduled to give a chat in the ballroom during the afternoon but I managed to miss that somehow …… oh yeah, that’s right, the sun actually put in an appearance and so I shot off to the beach for an hour or so.  

Sunday night brought a very pleasant surprise. “Ibex”, one of Freddie’s first bands, were scheduled to perform on stage for our delight but according to the advertising blurb they hadn’t played together for nigh on thirty years! Bearing this in mind I went along more in hope than expectation but they were very good indeed!

They performed a few blues standards interspersed with a couple of Ibex numbers and, in the absence of a certain Mr Mercury, they called upon the huge talent of Harry Hamilton (the singer with Queen tribute band “Flash Harry”) to provide the vocals. They left the stage after about fifty minutes to huge acclaim.

It’s such a huge pity that the change in the format of the convention in recent years meant that many people had left for home by this time and missed this performance.

Unfortunately Sunday evening is the time when many of the attendees suddenly remember that there is a real world out there and they must return home in order to be back at work on Monday morning.

I know the Fan Club protest that Pontins won’t allow them to hold the convention from Thursday to Sunday as in days gone by, but I wonder just how hard they’ve tried to argue their case.  

Anyway, like so many others, my companions and I had to leave on Sunday evening and so missed the final Queen disco of the weekend. I presume it was much the same as the previous two nights with much drinking, revelry and conversation taking place.  

Included in our “welcome pack” (ha ha – they’ve gotta be joking, right?) was a request for ideas on how to improve the convention. I shan’t bother with my suggestions here, this isn’t really the right place to air my views but I am considering emailing the fan club with a few ideas.

Whether they’ll pay any attention to a Queeble disciple is doubtful – even simple communications between yours truly and Queen Central these days is treated with disdain. I can only presume that the censorship placed upon me by the denizens over at sycophant headquarters (i.e. The BMML) has extended to the Fan Club.  

This means that your faithful Queeble reporter will not be at next year’s convention (‘cos my membership will have expired by then and I shan’t be renewing) which is a pity …… but I have a cunning plan to replace this expensive rip-off, that the Convention has become.

Instead, every year at convention time, some friends and I intend to visit Montreux. Not only is it cheaper and much prettier than Pontins but we can pay homage at Freddie’s statue.  

The convention is still ok but is getting tired and old now. The fan club needs to sharpen its act if it is to survive for much longer. Stop taking the UK based fans for granted and perhaps things will improve. There is still a huge fan base out there, all willing belong to the Queen family, but the dissatisfaction among them is growing.