**The Sixteenth Day of the First Month of the New Millennium Plus Six**
BEHOLD! THERE ART STILL MUCH CAUSE-ETH TO RANT...
BE-ETH NOT AFEARED, IT ART THY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION TO RANT EVEN MORE-ETH THAN THEE DIDST LAST YEAR!
Hey-eth folks .... it hath been verily busy around Thee ..... whilst I lounge-eth about wondering what to rant about, what to get-eth pisseth off about and what to get depressed-eth about!
And FEAR NOT! I, Brian the Wise, hath come-eth up with many, many things.
January art depressing! On the whole, Thee doth find it a depressing month .... how about ye ? !!!
Thee wilst create-eth a poll to discover-eth who else get-eth depressedeth in January. Curses be-eth upon January!
So many injusticeths. Us freezing our arses off here in miserableth old England whilst thither yonder in the Antipodes they art basking in glorious-eth sunshine! Oh the injusticeths of it all! Smite the Antipodians. We wilst ne'er tour-eth there. Bastards!
And cruelties in the news, Fish being abuseth, and horrible blood-sucking, lecherous, inhuman, hateful, fiendish politicians bitething each others backs. Cannibals! YEA! IT ART TRUE! Run for-eth thou lives! They live-eth in squalid and shameful abodeths .... what a bunch of rats! Ne'er layeth down for-eth they come-eth in the night with their slashing teeth and doth gnaw-eth thou legs off!
Thee art a recovering alcoholic ! So ? No doubt the scribes wilst maketh something of that. So Thee find it ....depressething.
And the Health Service ....depressething.
Heath Ledger .... depressething.
What IS crap ? Thee find it .... depressething.
Who art NHS direct? Thee find it ....depressething.
Government? ....depressething.
Doctors? ....depressething.
Beaurocrats? ....depressething.
Surgeons? ....depressething.
Accountants? ... ....depressething.
How verily sad and appallething. And can Thee sayeth ... depressething ?
The world needeth music .... better make-eth some. But Thee find it ....depressething.
LO! Thee hath been stickething unto Thy depressething regime of exercise to prepareth for-eth Thy tour. The haveth a six pack. It art depressething to realiseth Thee wilst ne'er be-eth able to do-eth Thy favourite things once Queen/PR swingeth unto action ..... ....depressething.
Paul-eth Crotchety Rodgers - depressething....
Lo, Thee shouldst thusly quit complaining and get on with it but Thee art too depressedeth!
NAY! Thee shalt NE'ER quit! Thee art still living in a country with a Prime Minister who wilst not even come-eth Fox Hunting with Thee!
Oh, nay-eth! He wouldst rather sit home and haveth a fag than come-eth out and shoot a few foxes with Thee!
Bastard.
Lo! I bet he tortures Albacore Tuna!
I bet he pulleth the wings of innocent flys and laugheth!
He who declareth war on poor, defencethless little Iraq.
Well, I, Brian the Wise want to bomb 10 Downing Street.
Blow them all unto Kingdom Come-eth! Deport him!
He probably smoketh menthol!
He probably entertaineth SCRIBES!
Smoketh hath been proveth beyond a shadow of a doubt to be-eth causing illness, death, destruction, pollution, wars, plagues, unemployethment, road fatalities, baldness, alcoholism, truancy, PMS, ADHD, gout, kidney stones, chronic fatigue-eth syndrome, fluid retentioneth, ambidextrousethness, dotage, hallcinationeths, delirium, incontinence, hysteria and drunkenethness - and Thee art spakething of the multitudes who do-eth NOT smoke, but art subjecteth unto smoke in public places whist they like-eth it or not.
What the Hell!
Bomb all the smokers!
Ban them!
Deport them!
Send them unto the ANTIPODES!
We hath done if before!
We shouldst thusly do-eth it again!
Send-eth of the First Fleet at once-eth!
Give-eth unto Thee one good reason why Thee shouldst not blow-eth thee unto Kingdom Come-eth, Mr. Blair?
Thee expect-eth thou art on thou back enjoying a fag or out Fox Hunting ... without THEE!
Another thought -
Bomb the tobacco companies!
Come ON !
We art a civilised country and Mr Blair art a Scourge!
Get-eth rid of them.
Do-eth nay let them get-eth away with it.
Peace and Love Be-eth Upon Ye
Bri the (depressedeth) Wi