Upon the earth was much begatting. "What art going on down there?" cried John The Mysterious, "Thine creations are going at it like rabbits!" "Do tell !" shrieked The Lord God Freddie, "Give thee thy binoculars". And he dideth have a good perve.

"Stop thumping thee on thy head with those blasted sticks Roger The Divine, I command thee!" declared Brian The Wise, "I shall shove them wherest the great ball of fire doeth not shine!"

"Thee wanteth to be more than just God of All Things Too Damn Pretty! Thee wanteth to do something with this rhythm thy createth. And needeth, do we to fixeth up this messeth upon Earth that we createth!" sighed Roger The Divine.

"Roger The Divine art righteous!" said The Lord God Freddie "Thee art bored!"

"And Behold at all that begatting down there upon the Earth" declared John the Mysterious, "Lo! Before us, they art stuffing up the Earth again and thou art so OVER floods. So it seemeth that if We wisheth for something to be done properly, thee should doeth it thyselves"

"Thou art right John the Mysterious" sayeth Roger The Divine, "Devise of a plan for Us to descend upon the Earth, for it art rather dull up here in Heaven. We shall be Rocketh Gods, and learneth the world, through Our Word. It shall be known as MUSIC. Thee shall drum!"

"And Thee shall buildeth an instrument from thine old fireplace" spake Brian The Wise "and Thee shall play great riffs and write great Words of Wisdom in song!

"And Thee shall writeth and singeth great words also, and struteth thy stuff in fabulous catsuits" decreed The Lord God Freddie "And play of a piano, shall Thee"

"And Thee shall playeth bass guitar and suffer thou egos and endure thou hissy fits. Thee shall be known as the Quiet One!" spake John the Mysterious, very quietly.

"For Thy Gods to descend upon the Earth" declared John The Mysterious, a ruleth thee must maketh, return unto Heaven Thee cannot, until Thy work art done! To arriveth upon the Earth, Thee must be the product of Immaculate Conception, for how else can Thee fool the masses that Thee art the Great and Almighty Ones?"

"Absolutelyeth" spake Brian The Wise, "And lo, Behold, there at the Mary Quant counter, a delicate young flower, as innocent as a new born lamb!"

"Mother Love she art!' declared The Lord God Freddie, "She art the Holy One, she art Divine!" And the Lord God Freddie was very impressed, for he thought she was beautiful.

"Thee saw her first" declared Brian the Wise. "Oh bugger off and go maketh a rainbow' hissed The Lord God Freddie for he did not care whoeth saw her first. Brian The Wise did sulk.

And so she was chosen, dear sweet Zhandra of Rhodes, to be the Mother of The Gods, as they descended upon the Earth. For it is written. And because it is written, it was so. And it was so.

Now the birth of The Gods upon the earth was when mother Zhandra had been found with the children of the Holy Spirits. How this came about, the Virgin Zhandra knoweth not, but she suspected someone spiketh her Vodka at that damn party last month. But, behold, an angel of the Lords appeared unto her in a dream, saying, Fear not Zhandra: for that which art conceiveth in thee is of the Holy Spirits and not some low life scumbag who spiketh thy Vodka. And ye shall bring forth sons, quadruplets in fact; and thee shalt call their names FREDDIE, ROGER, JOHN AND BRIAN; for it art them that shall save the multitudes from their sins. "Bloody hell" said Zhandra, "Four rug rats at onceth! But thou art a single mother! Howeth will thee cope-eth?"

Now all this is come to pass, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lords through the prophet, saying,

Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth four sons, And she shall call them Queen;

which is, being interpreted, The Gods art with us.

And Zhandra arose from her sleep, and thought: bloody hell, what a weird dream, thou shalt not partake of so much Vodka again, and did throw up every morning for the next three months and her belly did triple in size. "Cursed be thy stretch marks!" cried Zhandra, "Look at thine ankles, art thou not swollen and unattractive! Does thy butt look big in this?" And poor Zhandra did feel like a beached whale till she had brought forth four sons and she called their names Freddie, Roger, John and Brian. And she did sleep, for she was totally stuffed.

Now when The Little Gods were born on Earth in the days of Trident the King, behold, Three Wise Record Producers from the east came saying, Where art they that art born Kings of the World on sucheth a Holy Day? For we saw their star in the east, and doeth come to worship them. And when Trident the King heard it, he was troubled, and all the population of Earth with him. And gathering together all the False Gods and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Gods werest born. 2:5 And they said unto him, Kensington Markets: for thus it is written through the prophets.

And thou Kensington, land of great markets
Art no true Gods among the princes of Kensington this day:
But out of Zhandra shall come forth the Holy Ones
And Lo shall she change her name by deed poll to Mary
For it soundeth more virginal

Then Trident the King privily called the Three Wise Record Producers, and learned of them exactly what time the star appeared. And he sent them to Kensington, and said, Go and search out exactly concerning the young children; and when ye have found them, bring me word, that I also may come and worship them....and get them to sign a contract for I see squillions in this deal. And they, having heard King Trident, went their way; and lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young children were. And when they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy for they were joyous and gay.

And they came into the house and saw the young children with Mary their mother; and they fell down and worshipped them; and opening their treasures they offered unto them gifts, gold and platinum records and contracts with special clauses. And being forewarned in a dream, they did not return to King Trident, but departed into their own country another way.

Now when they were departed, behold, an angel appeareth to Mary (formerly Zhandra) in a dream, saying, Arise and take the young children, and flee into Scotland for thee can register for welfare, and be thou there until I tell thee: for King Trident will seek the young children to destroy them. And she arose and took the young children by night, and departed into Scotland; and was there until the death of Trident. Then Trident the King, when he saw that he was mocked of the Three Wise Record Producers, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the record stores that were in Kensington, and in all the borders thereof, according to the time which he had exactly learned of the Three Wise Record Producers. Then was fulfilled that which was spoken through Kenneth Everett the prophet, saying,

A voice was heard in London, Weeping and great mourning, Lo, our music is gone; And they would not be comforted, because they were not.

But when Trident the King was dead, behold, an angel appeareth in a dream to Mary in Scotland, saying, Arise and take the young children, and go into the land of England: for they are dead that sought the young childrens life. And she arose and took the young children, and came into the land of London. But when she heard that National Enquirer was reigning over the city in the room of his father King Trident, she was afraid to go thither; and being warned in a dream, she withdrew into other parts of the city, and came and dwelt in the suburbs; that it might be fulfilled which was spoken through the prophets, that they should be called middle class.

And in those days cometh Jim the Beach, preaching in the wilderness, saying, Repent ye; for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. For this is them that was spoken of through Kenneth Everett the prophet, saying,

The voice of one crying in the wilderness,
Gallileo, Gallileo, Figaro
Make ye ready the way of the Lords,
Maketh their paths straight and their satin pants tight.....well, perhaps their paths could have a slight curve...

Now Jim the Beach himself had his raiment of camel’s hair, and a leathern girdle about his loins; and his food was locusts and wild honey and his drink was Vodka.

Then went out unto him the outer suburbs, and all London, and all the region round about the city; and they were baptized of him in the river Thames, confessing their sins. But when he saw many of the punk rockers coming to his baptism, he said unto them, Ye offspring of vipers, who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bring forth therefore music worthy of repentance: and think not to say such words: for I say unto you, that the Gods are able of arm to raise up their glasses of Vodka and out-glam thee anytime!. And even now the axe lieth at the root of the trees: every tree therefore that bringeth not forth good rhythm is hewn down, and cast into the fire. I indeed baptize you in water unto repentance: but he that cometh after thy Vodka is mightier than I, whose clogs I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you in the Holy Spirit and in fire and burneth shall ye bottom: whose fan is in his hand, and he will thoroughly cleanse his threshing-floor; and he will gather his wheat into the garner, but chaffeth he will and haveth a sore arse.

Cometh then, thee young Gods unto Jim the Beach, to be baptized and signed to a management deal of him. But said unto Jim the Beach "Shutup, thou knowest not what thy say for thou art pissed as a fart and maketh no sense!"

" Suffereth a massive hangover on the morrow thee will: for thus it becometh us to feel self righteousness. Then they suffereth him. And The Gods did maketh much noise, especially Roger the Divine with his coconuts and Jim the Beach did suffereth for he had a real thumper.