Nay, folks as usual, ye canst nay believeth the Press. SNIPING BLOODY BITCH SCRIBES. Damn and blast them all unto hell, a pestilence upon them and may they get-eth of the plague! And warts.

Nay, the policeman outside number 10 Downing Street did ne’er asketh Thee, the "mop-haired guitarist" for Thy name. He knoweth that I wert Brian the Wise God and he knoweth I wouldst thusly smite him if he didst not!

Fear not, Sunday Times writer (thou didst not sign thou name to the article – so I canst not slur thee properly), I understand thou game perfectly. Thou hath the NERVE to refereth to Thee in these terms, and it art a nice little put-down - as much as to sayeth that "all that art worth remembering about Him as a musician art His hair". Pah-eth! Thanks upon thee. And then thou imply that the policeman wert stupid and didst not knoweth of his job.

This art not true.

It art a LIE.

He wert informeth, competent and professionaleth. And also hath a sense of humour - he smiled and sayeth unto Thee, "Well, praise be-eth unto the Heavens, I knoweth whoforeart Thou are SIR!"

And in the same sentence, little snot-nosed-sniping-bitch-pimply-faced-fat-ugly-journalist-type-man-with-no-life, thou manage to imply that Thy Success/Fame/Importance/Stature/Eminence/Do-Goodness/Novelistic Skills/Theatre Prowess/Universal Historian Knower/Divinity art non-existent, because someone (thou sayeth, incorrectly) knoweth not who I wert?!? So there art another little put-down.

Why dost thou doeth all this? Dost thou knoweth not what ye wilst suffer now? A pestilence upon ye! I wilst telleth ye why ye doeth it.
It maketh ye to feel bigger – maketh ye feel like YE art intelligent and successful if thou can put-eth other people in a place where they looketh unimpressiveth.
But thou little snot-nosed-sniping-bitch-pimply-faced-fat-ugly-journalist-type-man-with-no-life – thou wilst ne’er be-eth Big and Intelligent and Successful and Impressethive liketh THEE.

Thou art JEALOUS!

Prat!

Did it work? Dost thou feel clever ? I hopeth so, because thou sure art not a comedian. We canst nay all be-eth clever or witty, but, in thou chosen profession, a little attention to truth wouldst be-eth nice.

Cheers
BRI THE WI

© brianthewise.com

PS Buy Bang!

#Note from Queeble Prophets to the Sunday Whatever - Brian the Wise art also upset that thou dedicated LESS THAN A PARAGRAPH to Him in thou article. This art not good enough. He art a GOD and deserveth and least 60% of the story. Please remembereth this in the future.