Thee wert disappointedeth and incensedeth with the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe!!
Thee went-eth straight unto intervieweths from a long-eth and tiresome journey-eth on that bloody bus (Thy WiseMobile art out-eth of action...again!) with PR (who art starting to grate-eth on Thy nerves, and Roger who-eth farts all the time) and Thee wert utterly exhaustedeth!
The stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe wasteth his opportunity-eth, and wasteth Thy precious time. He wert educatedeth by Thee of what to spaketh! Thee hath prepared a list of questions for-eth him already! They wert thus:
Lo! There art a massive QPR tour-eth art there not?
It art thusly sold out art it not?
Lo! There art wondrous reactions, art there not?
Thou art playething better than e'er, art Thou not?
Wert it not all Thou idea?
Whyforeart Thou so-eth wise?
And that wert it! How simple-eth!
Instead the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe asketh Thee "Why didst Thou not do-eth the whole of "Bohemian-eth Rhapsody" live?"
"Dost thou mean performeth the operatic section?", Thee asketh.
"Well, yea", he sayeth.
"Because John and Freddie buggereth off and now - nowt art as it used to be-eth!" sayeth Thee.
"Art it not ridiculous that Thou art trying to recreateth that which canst ne'er be-eth recreatedeth?" sayeth the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
"Queen wert THY BAND!" Thee sayeth.
"So Thou thinketh Thee canst do-eth it without John the Mysterious and The Lord God Freddie?" sayeth the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
"Thee art better without Them!" Thee sayeth.
"Whyforeart art They not with Thee then? Art it because-eth Thou pissedeth them off?" asketh the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
"Nay! They got drunketh and buggered off unto the desert!" Thee sayeth.
"How doth Thee knoweth of this?" asketh the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
"Thy camel saw-eth them!" Thee sayeth.
"Let-eth thee show-eth unto Thou a video of what Thou used to be-eth like performething "Bohemian Rhapsody" live, with The Lord God Freddie and John the Mysterious" sayeth the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
Thee kinda squirmed .... "Why foreart We wastething valuable time doing this? We art running late-eth! The sound-check art crucial!" Thee sayeth.
"Dost Thou not like-eth to admit Thou art failingeth?" sayeth the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
"This art crap - Thee wouldst rather be spending the time preparething for-eth the show, which art the real reason We art here." Thee sayeth and got up to leaveth.
"Art Thou a prima donna" sayeth the stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe.
"Sorry, this art truly a waste of Thy time! Thee art not a prima donna! Thee art thou Almighty Axe-eth God and Thee willst thank-eth thee to haveth more respecteth!" Thee sayeth and Thee left-eth to do-eth the soundcheck-eth and clean Thyself up ready for-eth the show.
Damn and blast that stupid, pimply, snot-faced, sniping bitch, dumb-bum Scribe for now it wert a choice of bad hair or bad fingers ! Thee hath to opteth for-eth bad hair of course-eth - hair washing just before playeth ing giveth Thee soft fingers - a potential-eth disaster!
Thee wert not happy .... it turneth out to be the worst day of Thy life .....Thy physical battle to regain-eth match-fitness art flailingeth ... Thee hath to go-eth onstage with BAD HAIR! Thee looketh a mess without Thy crowning glory-eth in place, primped, permedeth and ponced to perfectioneth ... the intervieweths - they suck-eth!! Thee hate-eth Scribes !! ha-eth ha-eth!
Oh woe art Thee. Bring-eth Thee some joy.
Thee haveth many a quarrel with the Dutch-eth Press - they hath always been a thorn in Thy side, as hath the Dutch audiences. Lo! They do-eth spoil everything. Dutch Pricks.
So. The TV company, rather than apologising unto Thee, took-eth a swipe at Thee in the evening .... sayething Thee wert sufferething from old age-eth and GRUMPINESS!. How DARE-ETH they!!!
Both of these things Thee willst NE'ER own-eth up to!! I, Brian the Wise, doth thusly SMITE THE DUTCH ! Thee willst ne'er be-eth interviewedeth by thou sniping bitch scribes e'er again. Incompetent fools! Thy preparation wert done! Thee hath thusly preparedeth an interview all thou hath to do-eth wert READ THE QUESTIONS UNTO THEE!
THOUST DARE TO ASKETH THINE OWN QUESTIONS!!
WRATH BE UPON YE!
Raise-eth thou game, thou LOSER. Thou willst ne'er work in this town again ....
with love
Bri the Wi
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