And when they looked, they saw that the stone wert rolled away: for it wert very great. It wert quite marvelous actually considering it wert carved with a toothpick and a sixpence. In fact, it wert considered-eth for the Guinness Book of Records!
And entering into the sepulchre, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed in a long white garment; and they wert affrighted for he wert a bit weird looking.
And he sayeth unto them, Be not affrighted for even though Thee art a bit weird looking, Thee wilst harmeth ye not: ye seek-eth The Two Gods and Paul-eth Rodgers, who wert crucified onstage at Brixton Academy: They art not there:They art risen; They art long gone: pisseth off in the middle of the night, did They: behold the place where They laid Them.
But go ye way, tell Their disciples that They goeth afore ye into Galilee: there shall ye see Them, at Their next gig.
"Galilee?" asketh Mary and Mary.
"Oh, thee knoweth not for-eth They didst not leave-eth a forwarding address" sayeth the Weird One.
So Mary and Mary went in search of the Second Gig and wert verily lucky to win tickets down at the local pub in the chook raffle.
And go-eth, did they, unto the Second Gig.
So then, after the Gods + second gig, They wert received by the public and they forgot all about the other Two Gods. That art gratitude for ye!
And much merchandise-eth wert sold and The Two Gods became-eth even richer and the disciples even poorer and the important ones wert verily happily and did give thanks unto the Cash Cow.
And They went forth, preachething every where, working verily hard, and confirming the word with Their music.
And the few remaining faithful ones didst thusly continue-eth the search for-eth the Missing Gods.
Amen.