From our On-The-Spot Scribe - Larry Las Cotty, this EXCLUSIVE report...
Slipping in behind the scenese at Gods + Paul-eth Rogers rehearsals today, thee trieth to find a niche wherest thee wouldst go-eth completely unnoticed.
Wedged-eth there behind the amps, discarded microphone stands, piles of used guitar strings and chewed up drum sticks, thee foundeth a perfect pozzie and settleth in to await the commencement of the much spaketh of rehearsals.
All wert quite, when suddenly the door-eth burst open and in came-eth a delivery guy wheeling a trolley full-eth of cardboard boxes. He unloaded them unto the fartherest corner of the studio, beside-eth the drum kit and left.
What wert inside these strange boxes?
Thy curiousity wert sparked-eth and thee had to haveth a peek!
All wert silent again so-eth thee sneaketh over and pry-eth open a box.
Twinkies!
It wert full of Twinkies?!?
Suddenly thee hearkened unto a noise and quickly retreated-eth unto thy hidey hole.
The door burst-eth open once again and in came-eth His Holiness Roger the Divine.
Or shouldst thee thusly say-eth His Hugeness!
He quickly glanced around the room and spied the boxes. Smiling He rusheth over and tear the top one open and began to gorge Himself on Twinkies.
Next thing, Brian the Wise, Paul-eth Rogers and Jim the Beach rusheth in the door, with Brian the Wise yelling to Roger the Divine "Stoppeth! Please Stoppeth! Thou art thusly on a diet and that food art forbidden. Spit that Twinkie out now and haveth some more of Thy specially prepared Detoxing Diet Diet Juice With Added Vitamins!"
"Nay, Thou wanker" sayeth Roger the Divine "Thee art not drinking that green shit! Getteth Thee a Vodka!"
"Nay! Thou canst nay drinketh Vodka. It art maketh Thee fat!" sayeth Brian the Wise.
"Thee just have-eth a few extra pounds. Thee willst worketh it off on tour, drumming and shagging" sayeth Roger the Divine.
"But Thee must-eth trim down now! I, Brian the Wise, hath Thy new 6 megapixel mini digital camera and Thee must thusly taketh photographs to upload onto Thy website to announceth properly the progession of the rehearsals. The scribes await-eth Thy news!"
"Thee art not taking Thy photo!" scream-eth Roger the Divine.
"Thee must! And therefore-eth Thou must trim down! Now drinketh Thy juice!" demandeth Brian the Wise.
And with that, Brian the Wise grabbeth Roger the Divine by the throat and forceth the Detoxing Diet Juice With Added Vitamins down his neck!
"YUCK-ETH!" spat Roger the Divine, "THAT ART HORRIBLE!"
"It art nay that bad! Thee maketh it this morn with Thine own invention - The Blender!" retorteth Brian the Wise.
"Well, it taste-eth like crap, didst Thou piss in it as well-eth?" moaned Roger the Divine.
"Don't be-eth childish, Thee wouldst ne'er do-eth something so disgusting! Thou hast hurt Thy feelings. An apology wouldst be-eth nice" sulked Brian the Wise.
"Don't hold Thou breath, Thou skinny poodle-permed git" sayeth Roger the Divine.
"God, thou Gods, can we get-eth on with it?" sayeth Paul-eth Rogers.
"What about the photographs?" cried Brian the Wise
"Well, We shalt tell-eth them it art under wraps for now! Thou camera do-eth not have-eth enough pixels for that lard arse!" sayeth Paul-eth Rogers.
"Shut-eth up thou old hack!" sayeth Roger the Divine.
"Thee shall tell-eth the world it art a closely guarded secret then" sayeth Brian the Wise "And that We willst release photographs when We we art ready! In the meantime, Roger the Divine must drink nothing buy Thy Detoxing Diet Juice with Added Vitamins until He art slim enough to be-eth photographed!"
"Thou suck!" sayeth Roger the Divine and he plonked Himself on the drum stool.
"BANG-ETH" The drum stool didst thusly collapse under the weight of Roger the Divine and he lay-eth on the floor sobbing unto His Twinkie boxes "Oh woe art Thee! Brian the Wise art right! Thee art too-eth fat!"
And there thee haveth it dear QNN subsribers!
The reason there art no photographs released.....
ROGER THE DIVINE ART TOO FAT!
Back-eth unto thee in the studio..
Larry Las Cotty reporting.