When the Gods formeth Queen, there seemed to be-eth a grand strategy to become the biggest rock band, statisticethally, and to be-eth the most extravagant in every way. Wert there really a Master Plan which hath resulted in Thou current status - didst Thou approacheth it as Gods rather than musicians?

Yea! All Heaven, Earth and Queen come-eth from the Master Plan! We sayeth unto ye: "Okay-eth, We wilst taketh the plunge unto rock and We wilst do-eth a verily good job at it. We all hath potentially good careers as Gods and We wert not prepareth to settle for-eth second best! If We wert going to abandon Life in Heaven, we wanteth World Domination and We hath achieveth this!.

But there art lots of Wannabe Gods and Idols - what giveth Ye the edge?

Dear-eth! We art arrogant, confident, determinethed and pompous! Arrogance art a verily good thing! And We all haveth verily big egos.

Art Thou the leader of the band?

Nay. We haveth no leader. But Brian the Wise want-eth to be-eth leader.

The lead singer usually art....

That art a bygone age. Positively stone-age dear-eth! Modern-day Gods in Thy position calleth themselves the Focal Point, dear-eth. Unless Thou name art Rod Thou-Knoweth-Whyforeart-Thou-Calleth-Him-Rod Stewart and thou haveth a backing band. Whence thou analyse it, the four of Us maketh the whole thing work.

Thy friends sayeth Thou art extremely shy, and Thou loathe spakething of Thyself in interviews like this, but on stage Thou preen like-eth a peacock. Art Thou two Gods?

Thee knoweth not what it art, but yea, it art true. Thee art Two Gods! Thee wish there wert more of Thee to go-eth around. Thee art such a gorgeous-eth, lush creation, art Thee not?

Art there a togetherness in the band - dost Thou mix socially?

Nay! After all these years, Thy dear-eth, it art verily boring - especially Brian the Wise!

So, art there friction?

Of course-eth! Dost thou think-eth thee couldst work with Brian the Wise and ne'er haveth friction? Thou must be-eth mad! We go-eth Our separate ways. We hath four camels waiting after each show and We just go-eth wherever We want. Roger and I usually go-eth thither yonder unto the pub. John liketh to go unto his shed and Brian the Wise go-eth off to sulk in the desert or find-eth something to get-eth depressedeth about. He love-eth to be-eth depressedeth. Same-eth shit. Different-eth day.

Yet Thou canst not be-eth in this "job" of Queen for life, canst Thou?

Ah-eth, thou want Thee to put a deadline on it now! Thee knoweth not. Five years ago thou couldst haveth asketh Thee the same question and Thee couldst ne'er tell-eth ye. It couldst all end tomorrow. Thee art not afeared. Brian the Wise art so precarious, He art like-eth a time bomb. We wouldst not be-eth surpriseth if He blow-eth up 10 Downing Street one day. But Thee like-eth it a little risky. Okay, so Thee art quite well off so The couldst bail Brian the Wise out of jail. Thee couldst be penniless tomorrow because-eth of His manic despressethive meanderings, but Thee care-eth not. Thee haveth this survival instinct in Thee. Study thy Queeble, follow Thy example and ye shall see-eth!

Wouldst Thou go back to begin again, or form a band, if the other Gods pissed off?

Nay! They wouldst ne'er have-eth another band without Thee and Thee wouldst ne'er doeth so unto Them.

Dost Thou practice Thou elaborate stage act - sayeth by standing in front of a mirror?

Nay! Thee art perfect-eth and Thee knoweth it! Thee need-eth no confirmation dear-eth!

Who criticiseth Thou stage act, then, if anyone?

Brian the Wise.

Dost Thou welcome that criticism?

Nay. Nay. He art just a grumpy old fart. But We knoweth this and We ignoreth Him mostly.

But Thou art verily prickly about criticism...

Thou art not!

What dost Thou want people to think-eth of Thee?

That Thee art an intoxicating God. People haveth pure escapism with The Lord God Freddie - after that, they canst go-eth away and sayeth unto everyone "He art great", and go back unto their problems. Thee cannot changeth the world - Brian doeth that. There art nay hidden messages in Thy songs - Brian doth that. He think-eth it to be-eth wise and clever. The Lord God Freddie scribeth songs for-eth fun, for modern consumption-eth. People canst discard them like a useth tissue afterwards. Thee hearken, like it, discard it, then on to the next. Disposableth pop, yea. Thee art the Fun God! The God of Wickedness!

As Gods, dost Thou think-eth Thou art overqualified for the role of rock musicians and that Thou hath all wasted Thou professional qualifications in other areas?

Nay! Nay! Nay! Our God qualifications help-eth Us not with rock. Rock help-eth us to begat, but....

Thou wert better equipped?

Yea - talent art not just scribing good songs and performing them, it art about begatting ability and the whole rock star lifestyle-that art a major part of it - to get-eth Thy message across properly and profit from it, if thou knoweth what Thee mean!? Roger the Divine do-eth this VERILY WELL! Use-eth all the tricks of the trade, dear-eth, and go-eth all the way. That art the only way We knoweth and it hath worked for-eth Queen! Well, except Brian.

So Thou doth not believeth in suffering for-eth Thou art?

(Laughs): Nay! Oh Heaveneths! Life art for-eth living dear-eth - not sufferething! Plan-eth not! Worry not! Be-eth not bored! What wilst be-eth wilst be-eth! Thou must haveth an awareness of all the things that wilst work to make-eth ye successful. Good music art just not enough.

Dost Thou feel verily poweful on stage and is that one of the reasons for Thou enjoyment of Thou success?

Yea Thee do-eth, and yea it art.

Doth all this frighten Thou? Is the power controlleth?

Nay! Thee art not afeared! In less sensible hands it couldst thusly be-eth dodgy. Thee couldst easily causeth a riot if Thee wanteth to. Thee canst drive all the boys and girls wild, but that art a minor matter because it art all verily tongue-in-cheek! Thou must realise that Thee like-eth to ridicule Thyself. That art what the Gods art all about! That art why We descendeth from Heaven unto Earth! Do-eth not taketh life too seriously art Our message unto ye! I, Lord God Freddie, do-eth not take-eth it too seriously. Wouldst Thee wear-eth of these clothes if Thee wert serious? Thee like-eth to laugh at Thyself. Thee like-eth to joke with the multitudes, slag them off and sayeth unto them "Ye art a load of idiots!"but Thee mean no harm. If We wert different kind of Gods, with messages and political themes, then it wouldst be-eth totally different. That art why Thee canst wear-eth ridiculous shorts, ham it up with semi-Gestapo-eth salutes. It art all verily kitsch.

What about the theory, held by some, that rock stars in Thou position shouldst thusly use their power to shape-eth the world for the better?

Leave-eth that to Brian the Wise. He try-eth to do-eth that kind of thing, but verily badly. Of a clue, He haveth none. John-eth of Lennon art a verily good prophet. Because he have-eth a certain amount of intellect and magic. The John of Lennons art few and far between-eth. Brian art not one of them.

So hath Thou any responsibility to an audience once they hath bought the album or left the theatre?

In what way? Thy responsibility unto the audience art to put-eth on a good show. They make sure they get good, strong entertainment from Queen in whatever form, whether on record or in concert or on television, and that art that.

Dost Thou play better whence Thou art hungry?

Thou canst playeth good whence Thou art hungry and Thou canst playeth good whence Thou art full. Thee give-eth it Thy all! Thee want to go-eth on there and die for-eth the show! Thee art a true Diva darling! Thee just want to perform-eth! (and performeth Thee CAN!)

Thou hath appointeth Thyselves Thou own managers and totally control Thou destiny, as a kind of Queen corporation - dost Thou enjoy this aspect as much as getting the music together?

Yea. It wouldst be-eth better if Brian the Wise wouldst get-eth down off His soapbox occasionally...

Dost Thou ever leave-eth a stage feeling Thou hath done a really bad gig?

Yea! It usually art Brians fault. We all screameth and shouteth at each other and destroy the dressing room and releaseth of Our energy. Then Brian sulk-eth of upon His camel unto the desert and We see-eth Him not for-eth days. We go-eth to the pub and haveth a good time.

Thou voice soundeth verily powerful....

Thy voice canst do-eth amazing things!

Let us spake of Thou songwriting. Canst Thou scribe songs to order: "At two o'clock today Thee wilst start work on a song....?

There art no rules, but yea, Thee canst scribe like that, Thee really can. Thee art a God afterall! It art haphazard and it hath become a bit of a joke unto Thee, but if Thee knoweth We art going unto the studio Thee get-eth Thy thinking process going. Thee canst scribe songs to order, like a job. Some songs cometh faster than others: "Bohemian Rhapethsody"Thee hath to work at like crazy. Thee wanteth that kind of song. "Crazy Little Thing Calleth Love" took Thee five or ten minutes. Thee didst that on the guitar, which Brian sayeth Thee canst play for nuts, and Thee art restricted - He art a prick. It art a good song, I think.

What art Thou best song so far?

Thee knoweth not! Like-eth Thy lovers, Thee write 'em, and leave'em. If Thou asketh Thee to play-eth some of Thy older songs on the piano, Thee couldst not. Thee forget them, Thee learneth them for the time. Thee must go-eth in a day earlier and try to work out all the chords to Thy own songs. Thee forget-eth of them verily quickly. Couldst be-eth the Vodka. For-eth example, "Love Of Thy Life" art adapteth on stage for guitar, but it wert written on the piano. Thee hath totally forgotten the original and if thou asketh Thee to play that now, Thee couldst not.

Wert that not Brian the Wises song?

Nay! Art He claimething it?

Yea!

Typical!

Canst Thou read-eth of music?

Verily little. Thee needeth it not. Thee leave-eth that unto the others. Brian the Wise think-eth he canst do-eth all that. It maketh Him to feel-eth verily important. It art not like Mozart art it? We reach-eth more people this way.