The Ecologist

Owner: Zacariah Goldscribe

Scribe of The Ecologist Tabloid

Can Zacariah Goldscribe saveth the world and win the Big Bird Race? Lo! The biggeth questions surface over many roll-ups and coffees at the General Scribes Office, Ecologist Tabloid Department, which he thusly edits. The golden boy of British environmentalism and anti-capitalism freely admits he art far wealthier than most multitudes can possibly conceive of, want, deserve or actually need in this life: youth (he art young), fabulous (he art fabulous), wealthy (squillions of drachma), and a happy man. The Lord God Freddie doth thusly smile graciously upon Zacariah and offer him eternal blessings for He doeth like youth, fabulousness, wealth and happiness. There are the ruffled looks that women swooneth over, all that land in Devon, a London house, glamour and fabulousness. This doth thusly maketh the Lord God Freddie swooneth also.

Behold! Zacariah hath thusly nameth his bird: THE ECOLOGIST

Whyforeart he nameth the bird thusly?

"For it art a fabulous nameth!" he sayeth.

Daniphobouska

Owner: Sam Torrance

Golfer

Whyforeart thou nameth this bird Danifphobouska?

"Because" he sayeth, "Four!"

Ocean Spirit

Owner: Sir David of Attenbollocks

Golfer

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird Ocean Spirit?"

"Well, longeth for a drink of Vodka did thee, but thy Gods hath thusly dranketh every drop, so thee art left with nothing but ocean water!" he sayeth.

"How doth thee thinketh thy bird will go-eth?"

"North, north west" he sayeth.

Homeland

Owner: Clareth Phrancis

Scriber of Scribes

"Art thee aware of the dislike Brian the Wise hath for scribes?!"

"Yea, alas, He art inspiration for thy works!" she spaketh.

"But thou works art of adultery, deceit, murder, legal malpractice and divided loyalties!"

"Yea" she spaketh.

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird 'Homeland?"

"Thou must readeth thy scribings and thee willest see!" she sayeth.

Monarch of the Glen

Owner: Susan of Hampshireth

Actress

"Monarch of the Glen art a verily pretty nameth for a bird!"

"Yea, it art" she sayeth

Demi

Owner: David of Campeasy

Player of Windbag Gameths

"Thou doest liketh windbags then?"

"Yea, thee art met Brian the Wise many times" he sayeth

Ancient Mariner

Owner: Queen NerdyNoor of Jordan

HRH

"Thou art from an ancient Queebling family, art thee not?"

"Yea, Lo! Thou art!" she sayeth.

Aphrodite

Owner: Verily Jerrily Halleth

Lush Creature

"Art thou styled by The Lord God Freddie?"

"Why yea, thee art, canst thou telleth? Thee art fabulous, art thee not?" she sayeth.

"Thee art verily fabulous!"

"But of courseth, thanks be to The Lord God Freddie" she sayeth.

"Weret thee not thusly wedded unto the prophet Micketh Jagger!"

"Thee weret thusly once, but he liketh to begat muchly" she sayeth.

"Foolish prophet! Thee art too fabulous!"

"Darlingeth, thanks be unto thee!" she sayeth.

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird 'Aphrodite?"

"It weret The Lord God Freddies suggestioneth" she sayeth.

Ginny

Owner: Sir Ralpheth Fabulous

Actorian

"Whyforeartthou nameth thy bird 'Ginny'"

"To be-eth Ginny, or not to be-eth Ginny, that weret the question!" he sayeth.

"Doth thee hopeth that thou bird beateth the bird of Brian the Wise?"

"Frankly, thy deareth, thee do-eth ne'er giveth a damn!" he sayeth.

Douglas

Owner: Jeremiah of the GrapeVine

Radio Suck Suck Disketh Jocketh

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird "Douglas"?"

"Why, it art a verily good nameth!" he sayeth, "And doeth not forgeteth to thusly tune unto thy daily Radio Suck Suck programmeth wherest thou will hearken to the music of the Queeble and learneth of the Word!"

"Thanks be to thee"

"Thou art verily welcome" he sayeth.

Paragon

Owner: Philestine Tuffballs

Thee Art A Celebrity - Getteth Thee Thuslly Out-eth Of Here!

"Whyforeart thou wearest such a silly hat"

"Thee art verily insulted, 'tis a lovely hat!" he spaketh.

"Doeth thy bird weareth of the silly hats also?"

"Yea, though he doth, and it art not a silly hat" he sayeth.

Styx

Owner: Olivia Newtoneth-Johneth

Singer of Songeth

"Whyforeartthou nameth thy bird Styx?"

"One two, buckleth thy shoe, three, four, knocketh on thy door, five six, picketh up of the styx......it art thy newly songeth!" she sayeth.

"Oh"

"Good luck then"

"Praise be-eth unto thee" she spaketh.

"Whyforeart thou koala blue?"

"Thee knowest not, but thy Shy Taswegian Albatross art white" she sayeth.

"Oh"

"And it goeth like greased lightning!" she sayeth.

"Oh"

"And it singeth wopbopbaloobabolopbamboo" she sayeth

"Oh"

We Will Rock You / Rocky

Owner: Brian the Wise

God

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird We Will Dack Thee/Rocky? Art it not but shameless advertising?"

"Nay, not-eth at all! How dare thee! Thou filty dumb bum scribe!" he sayeth and stormeth off.

The Booster

Owner: Biggus Dickus Johnson

Actoreth

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird "The Rooster"?"

"It art not The Rooster, but The Booster, thou incompetant fool!" he sayeth.

Harriet

Jono Coleman

Radio Suck Suck Disketh Jockeyeth

"How doth thee rate Harriet against the great and powerful Rocky, bird of Brian the Wise?"

"Bah! Harriet willeth bloweth Rocky the Wimp outeth of the water!" he declaredeth.

"Art thou not fearful of incuring the wrath of Brian the Wise?"

"Nay!" he sayeth.

Lucky Seven

Owner: Frankie Dettori

Rider of Horses

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird "Lucky Seven"?'

"Bird? Thee thought it weret a horse! Lucky Seven art thy lucky racing numeral!" he sayeth.

Xanadu

Nicholas Coleridge

Scribe

"Thou art a darketh horse in thus race!"

"Yea" he sayeth, "But thee hath a bird, not a horse."

"And why foreart thou nameth thy bird 'Xanadu'?"

"Ah! Lo! Thee thusly fancieth Olivia Newtoneth-Johneth!"

"Oh"

The Rocket

Owner: Ronnie O'Sullivan

Player of Snookerething Balls and Pocket Billiards

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird "The Rocket"?"

"Whyforeart, it art thy nickethname, and thee art a lucky son of a cue stick!" he sayeth.

"Oh"

"Whyforeart thou hands unto thy pockets?'

"Ne'er thee mind!" he sayeth.

Big Ears

Owner: Princelyeth Charles

HRH

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird 'Big Ears'?"

"Becauseth, he strikes One as a funny lookingeth thing with verily big ears!" he spaketh.

"But birds doeth not hath ears!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he spaketh.

Court Of King Caractaucs

Owner: Rolfus Harriseth

Court Jester

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird 'Court Of King Caractacus'?"

"Flamin' heck mate, 'tis a bloody good nameth!" he spaketh.

Boyish Good Looks

Owner: Sir Cliff Richard

Thorn in Gods Side

"Whyforeart thou nameth thy bird 'Court Of King Caractacus'?"

"Flamin' heck mate, 'tis a bloody good nameth!" he spaketh.

Tantrums and Tiaras

Owner: Sir Eltonia of Johneth

Court Jester

"Whyforeart thou pulleth such a face Sir Eltonia?"

"That bloody bird hath just pecked thee severely on thy tush!" he squeaketh

"Nay, that weret The Lord God Freddie"