Brian the Wise

Q: Art Brian the Wise really a plonker?
A: Yea! He art.

Q: Doth His 365 pairs of clogs smell?
A: Yea! They dost.

Q: Art it true that Brian the Wise drinketh like a girl?
A: Yea! It art thusly true.

Q: Didst Brian the Wise ask-eth His Holy Mother if He couldst have-eth the pearl buttons for the Red Special or didst He nick them?
A: He knicked them, and He got His Holy Arse slapped for His trouble.

Q: Dost Brian the Wise really need to pluck-eth His Red Special with a sixpence or art there more behind this oddity?
A: Brian the Wise actually thinks His Head shouldst thusly be-eth on all forms of currency but this wert over-ruled by The Other Three Gods. This art His form of protesting-eth.

Q: Whyforeart doth Brian the Wise copyethright everything?
A: He’s FINE. Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. He still sleep-eth with a teddy bear, checks His email hourly through the night and he peels his peas. Say-eth nay more!

Roger the Divine

Q: Whence Roger the Divine dyed–eth of His hair green, did He thusly also dye His pubes?
A: Yea! He thusly didst.

Q: Art it possible to shag Roger the Divine?
A: Yea! But thou wilst hath to take-eth of a number and join the queue.

Q: Why dost Roger the Divine always wear-eth shades?
A: Lo! It art not, as falsely reported upon other blasphemic and lame websites, so He canst look cool. Roger the Divine wouldst look cool no matter what He wert wearing and of this He doth knoweth. Roger the Divine wear-eth shades all the time, simply thusly – they art special x-ray sunglasses which undress the female of the species so He can check out their knockers.

Q: Didst Roger the Divine help buildeth The Ark?
A: Yea! It wert his design but it wert not meant for animals, it wert originally a shagging boat designed for begatting two by two.

Q: Doth Roger the Divine own-eth a yacht?
A: Roger the Divine invent-eth the yacht. Copyethright laws suggest He owns them all.

Q: Wouldst Brian the Wise agree-eth with this?
A: Nay!

Q: Who art The Cross?
A: Brian the Wise art the Cross God mostly. He art a moody, whiney prick according to Roger.

The Lord God Freddie

Q: Why didst The Lord God Freddie depict Brian the Wise as a crab in the Queen Crest? Wert this because-eth He art a Cancerian?
A: Actually – Nay! Brian the Wise remind-eth The Lord God Freddie of a particular species of crab. A blind deep-sea crab that art covered with long black hairs which it useth to navigate around the ocean floor. It hides under rocks and steals the shells of other animals to use as its own. It eats seaweed and tofu.

Q: What art the REAL name of The Lord God Freddie?
A: The Lord God Freddies’ real name art: FATHER ADONIS RA ORPHEUS KUKULKAN HELIOUS – BIL ULL LOKI SERAPIS ANUBIS RAN APHRODITE but He changed it to Freddie Mercury because it was a bit easier to remember and to stop getting teased in the playground.

Q: Why doth The Lord God Freddie wear-eth of such outrageous and silly cloths?
A: They art not outrageous and silly at all, thou demonic toe-rag! Thou wilst be-eth smited for-eth suggesting such a thing!

Q: Dost The Lord God Freddie fart in the bath.
A: Yea! He doth.

Q: What art the real reason The Lord God Freddie wear-eth black nail polish on one hand?
A: It art not really nail polish. His fingernails wert stained from whence He wert developing his own stereo Daguerreotypes. The silver nitrate react-eth with the salt on His skin and thusly turned-eth His fingernails black. It wert not permanent. Brian the Wise hath since claimed stereo Daguerreotypes as His own.

John the Mysterious

Q: Whereforeart John the Mysterious?
A: He art down the backyard in His shed playing with His pipecleaners.

Q: Whyforeart didst John the Mysterious slam We Are The Champions by Robert of Williams.
A: Because it art The Lord God Freddies’ song and Robert of Williams version art crap and John thinks he art a tosser. He wert also in a bad mood that day.

Q: Doth John the Mysterious ski?
A: Nay! He doth not.

Q: So, He wouldst not be-eth skiing as I read-eth of this scribing?
A: Nay! He wouldst definitely not be-eth skiing.

Q: Lo! Then why didst I readeth on some other website that John the Mysterious wouldst thusly be-eth skiing whilst I art reading this?
A: The other website thou art refering to art a boring, presumptuous waste of web-space and thou shouldst not be-eth reading it. Thou wilst be-eth struck down with the plague, have intestinal worms and be-eth burnt at the stake if thou ever read-eth of it again. Understand?

Q: Why wert John knoweth as Deacon John in the beginning.
A: For He art a verily Holy Man.

Email thou Frequently Unasked Questions (FUQs) unto: queeblesback@yahoo.com.au