"We shall createth a world and filleth it with Multitudes after Our own images (but not quite as fabulous) and We shall command them to worship Us and it shall amuse Us no end! We shall never be bored again!

And Lo, with a flick of the wrist, the Heavens and Earth were createth.

1:2 But the earth was waste and void and very dark and very depressing. Brian the Wise was quite at home there but the other Gods were not for they thought it quite dull; and darkness was all around upon the face of the deep:

"We foreart must doeth something about this dull place" decreed The Lord God Freddie, who was very arty in the way of such things. and Lo!, the Spirits of the Gods moveth and sashayeth and ponce upon the face of the Earth

1:3 And the Gods said, Let there be light: and Roger did bendeth over and the world was aglow and the Angels did faint.

And then the Lord God Freddie benteth over but there was no light as the crevice seemed to be blocketh. But the Lord Freddie spake unto the other Gods, I shall be resplendant in glittery catsuits and I shall glow brightly for all the world to see! And it was so. Gloweth He did!

John the Mysterious thinketh that He wouldest not like to have sex with the lights on and did suggesteth they create some dark time as well. "Calleth it Night of the Black Queen" he spake thusly.

1:4 And the Gods saw the light, that it was good: and the Gods divided the light from the darkness.

1:5 And the Gods called the light Day of the White Queen, and the darkness They called Night of the Black Queen. And there was evening and there was morning, and it was one day, because this art a good time for a cup of tea.

1:6 And the Gods sayeth, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

1:7 And the Gods made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

1:8 And the Gods called the firmament Heaven and said, This Could Be Heaven For Everyone. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.

1:9 And the Gods said, Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

1:10 And the Gods called the dry land Earth, just up the road from Mercury; and the gathering together of the waters called the Seven Seas of Rhye: and the Gods saw that it was good.

1:11 And the Gods said, Let the earth put forth grass, herbs yielding seed, and fruit-trees bearing fruit, after their kind, especially bananas, wherein is the seed thereof, upon the earth: And it was so. And they learneth how to make Vodka, and it was good. Verily good, They thought.

1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, herbs yielding seed after their kind, and trees bearing fruit, especially bananas, wherein is the seed thereof, after their kind: and the Gods saw that it was good.

1:13 And there was evening and an all night blinder on this new stuff calleth Vodka and there was morning, a third day.

1:14 And the Gods awoke and sayeth, "Shit, We feel crook on this day, but Let there be lights in the firmament of Heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days and years:

1:15 And it was so.

1:16 And the Gods made the two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: This made John The Mysterious very happy for he dideth like to do things with the lights off. And Lo! did they not maketh of the stars, for They were very arty and the Lord God Freddie liked sparkly things.

1:17 And the Gods set them in the firmament of heaven to give light upon the earth,

1:18 and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and the Gods saw that it was good and they were well pleased. And the Gods thought they might lay off the vodka tonight for they were very tired and John had a throbber.

1:19 And there was evening and there was morning, a fourth day.

1:20 And the Gods said, Let the waters swarm with the swarms of swarming living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth and shit upon Brian the Wise for that will make him more depressed and they cracked up laughing for it was fun to take the piss out of Brian the Wise.

1:21 And the Gods created the great sea-monsters, and every living creature that moveth, wherewith the waters swarmed, after their kind, and every winged bird after its kind, all shitting on Brian the Wise and he was depressed: and the Gods saw that it was good and they did pisseth themselves laughing but Brian the Wise was noteth amused.

1:22 And the Gods blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, like John the Mysterious and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth so there is more shitting on Brian the Wise. And they did crack up again for they thought it was very funny, but Brian the Wise did telleth them off and spake unto them not to be so childish!

1:23 And there was evening and Roger the Divine did spaketh "Lets have a drink then!" and there was morning, a fifth day.

1:24 And the Gods said "Thy Vodka doest strange things to thine heads, Let the earth bring forth living creatures after their kind, cattle, and creeping things, and beasts of the earth after their kind: and it was so.

1:25 And the Gods made the beasts of the earth after their kind, and the cattle after their kind, and everything that creepeth upon the ground after its kind: and the Gods saw that it was good for now the Lord God Freddie could have cats and Koi Carp.

1:26 And the Gods said, Let us maketh man in our image, after our likeness, but not quite as fabulous.

Verily excited was Brian the Wise for he could haveth adoration of the masses who did not snicker and laugh at him like the other Gods dideth. "They do becometh tiresome" he thought.

"And let man have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth and The Lord God Freddie was well pleased for he thought it weret a new sex game.

1:27 And the Gods created man in their own images, in the image of the Gods created them; male and female created them.

1:28 And the Gods blessed them for they thought it was a cool party trick: and the Gods said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and it helps if ye get pissed and have outrageous parties with naked waiters with free drugs and lots of mud wrestling dwarves to get ye in the mood, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

1:29 And the Gods said, Behold, we have given ye every herb yielding seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed, like bananas; to ye it shall be for food:

1:30 and to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the heavens, and to everything that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, we have given every green herb for food: and it was so.

1:31 And the Gods saw everything that They had made, and, behold, it was very, very good, excellent in fact, and they were well pleased with their efforts and got out the Vodka for another session. And there was evening and much merriment and there was morning, the sixth day.

2:1 And the heavens and the earth were finished, all the host of them.

2:2 And on the seventh day the Gods finished their work which They had made, and they were stuffedeth. "That was bloody hard work" they decreed. They also had the greatest of hangovers from another bawdy night on the Vodka and so they rested on the seventh day from all their work which They had made. And Roger the Divine said Thee art so crook even Thy Name hurteth and he did asketh for the Panadol.

What wereth those creatures we createth in our own image?" asketh The Lord God Freddie. "Stuffedeth if I know" spaketh Roger the Divine, "Thee canst remembereth much".

2:3 And the Gods blessed the seventh day, and hallowed it; because in it They rested from all Their work which They had createth and made and They thusly stayed in bed all the seventh day and did curse the Vodka for it made them too crook to do any more.