'We Will We Will Wheel Thou' Brian the Wise spake unto patients when He became-eth a hospital porter for the morning at The Royal Hospital on Wednesday about nine o'clock.
When asketh to empty the bed pans He replyeth "Doth anyone produce orbs?"
"Lo! This art verily good publicity for the musical We Will Dack Thee and behold! Thee haveth an idea!" He sayeth unto the Doctors who didst ignoreth Him.
"Humph! Ignoreth Thee willst thou!" and He slopeth off.
"Thee shalt invent a time machine so Thee can spirit off around the Earth in 8 days to promote Thy musical. Thee shalt create-eth it in Adobe-eth Photoshop! It will be-eth thusly called "Around The World In Eight Days Promotional Tour-eth Time Machine!" and Thee shalt haveth a theme for each country"
And with that, Brian the Wise did set to work upon His Lap-ethTop and createth a Time Machine
"Lo! Behold! The Time Machine" He announceth unto the other Gods.
"It looketh like a wheelchair!" sayeth Roger the Divine.
"It do-eth not!" pouted Brian the Wise.
"Doth it haveth a bedpan under the seat?" asketh The Lord God Freddie.
"NAY! IT DO-ETH NOT! SPAKE NO EVIL UNTO THEE!" sayeth Brian the Wise disgustedeth.
"Thee invented of one of those last week." sayeth John the Mysterious.
"Thou didst not! Spaketh no evil unto Thee! This art Thy invention and ye art all jealous." sayeth Brian the Wise and with that He fiddled with His dials and disappeareth in a cloud of smoke and orbs.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in the Antipodes.
"Strewth!" cried the people there "Where the hell didst that cometh from?"
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye "We Will, We Will Wobbleboard Thou!" and in a flash He wert gone.
"What a wanker!" they cried and went about their business.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in the Unitedeth States of America.
"Gee whiz, hot dawg" cried the people there.
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye - We will, We will eat thou hamburgers" and in a flash He wert gone.
"What a jerk!" they cried and went about their business.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in Spain.
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye "We Will, We Will Flamenco Thou!" and in a flash He went to go-eth but alas! Brian the Wise wert nay fast enough and wert gored in the balls by-eth a raging bull!
"Oucheth!" He cried "Thee must thusly taketh a stereo photograph of this angry bull!
But the bull ran behind Brian the Wise and gored Him in the arse.
"Oucheth!" He crieth and did run for His Time Machine, but alas, the bull didst charge at Him again and gored Him in the leg.
Brian the Wise wert verily frightened and did rush for His Time Machine and kickstarteth it hastily, all the while clutching His Holy Gonads and His Holy Arse for they wert verily sore. "¡Qué bábaro!" cried the people, and went about their business.
"Yay" sayeth the bull and he dideth cartwheel for he did enjoy goring the balls of a God.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in the office of The Times.
"Cor!" cried the people there "Where the hell didst that cometh from and why doth He clutcheth His gonads?"
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye "We Will, We Will Wonder Why We Aren't Number One, Thou Sniping Bitches!" and in a flash He wert gone.
"What a tosser!" they cried and went about their business.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in the Hackney Empire.
"Oh no!" groaned the people there "Where the hell didst that cometh from?"
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye "We Will, We Will Wipe Ye Off Our Christmas Card List Thou Money Grabbing Toe Rags!" and in a flash He wert gone.
"Stupid old fart!" they cried and went about their business.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in Russia-eth.
"Skolinski!" cried the people there "Where the hell didst that cometh from?"
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye "We Will, We Will Borsch Thou!" and in a flash He wert gone.
"What a dickheadski!" they cried and went about drinking their vodka.
Poof! Brian the Wise in His Time Machine did thusly appear out of nowhere in Germanethy.
"Auch das noch! !" cried the people there "Where the hell didst that cometh from?"
"Tis I, Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye "We Will, We Will Piss In Thy Beer Steins at Oktoberfest!" and in a flash He wert gone.
"Shoveth a Bratwurst up ThineSauerkraut Arse!" they cried and went about their business.
