THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Greetings Bob. Greetings Plebs.

BOB: When the Gods first fartedeth all those years ago, there seemeth to be-eth a grand strategy to becometh the biggest rock band, statisticallyeth, and to be the most extravaganteth Gods in every wayeth. Weret there really a master plan which hath resulted in Thou current status - didst Thou approacheth it as business-type Gods rather than musician-type Gods?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea, T'werent quite as clinical as that, but it weret certainly a plan. The first fart stunnedeth Us a bit, it smelteth of Tuna and We thinketh it weret Brian the Wise but He denyeth this of course. But We createth Heaven and Earth and then stuffedeth up royally for We also discovereth Vodka and We weret too pissed. There weret too much begatting upon the Earth so-eth We decideth to drown everyone and starteth again. We sayeth okay, we art going to taketh the plunge and do-eth this again. And Lo! We art really going to do-eth a good job at it this time, no half measureth. We all art greedy bitches and We art not prepareth to settle for second best. We wanteth the best; We art Gods after all. We wanteth world domination, although it probably cometh across as capitalism.

BOB: But there art lots of false prophets wanting to getteth to the top, but Lo! they do-eth not make it - what giveth Thou the edge?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Thou hath to haveth arrogance and lots of confidenceth and absoluteth determination, as well as all the other obvious skills like music, a good begatting instrument, a virginal birth mother, style, exoticness, charisma, all that-eth. Arrogance art a verily good thing to haveth when Thou art startingeth, and that means spakething unto thineselves that Thou art going to be-eth the number one Gods, not-eth of the number two but of-eth the number one. Hopeth for the best, go-eth for the top. We just hath it inside Us and - well, We all hath a verily big ego-eths, especially Brian the Wise who can-eth be-eth a big tosser at times. Didest thou knoweth that He art the epitomy of-eth the term 'whinging Pom?

BOB: Nay, I knoweth not of that. Art Thou, The Lord God Freddie, The Leader of the Gods?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea! Thee art! But telleth not Brian the Wise.

BOB: The lead singer usually art....

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Telleth that unto Brian the Wise!

BOB: So Thee art the leader and the lead singer?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Ah, yea, lead singer it once weret, but that art a bygone age. Modern-day people in Thy position calleth themselves The Focal Point, deareth. Unless Thou nameth art Rockin Rod 'Knoweth Ye Not Why They Call Thee Rod' Stewart and Thou hath a backingeth band - no way art this The Lord God Freddie and Thy backing band. When thou analyse it, the four of Us Gods maketh the whole thing worketh. Tis 25 per cent, and Thee art the Focal Point, and it art so. And whateth a lush Focal Point Thee art, doeth thee not thinketh so?

BOB: Indeed! Yea, indeed! Thou friends sayeth Thou art extremely shy, and Thou loathe and despiseth talking about Thineself in interviews liketh this, but on stage Thou preeneth like a peacock. Art Thou in fact two people?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Ah-eth! Knoweth not what it art deareth, but it art verily true. Thee wisheth Thee kneweth of the answer but Thee knoweth not. Thee liketh to hath fun. It art a verily good release, singething of the Word, but thou knoweth, thou sayeth that Thee art a different God on stage, well-eth, the same could be spaken about any pleb going-eth off to do his job. It art Thy job and I art verily serious about Godding. Instill the spirit of the Queeble unto the multitudes, must Thee. They must love and adore Thee and for that, Thee must catcheth their attention. That art why-eth Thee art fabulous deareth! The multitudes there, can nay taketh their eyes from Thee. And Behold! We do-eth not wish to be-eth out of work Gods so we must taketh the job seriousethly!
Thee pranceth about liketh a peacock and the multitudes there art mesmerised and they becometh engulfeth in the spirit of the Queeble. Whenstforeart this happeneth, Thee hath doneth of Thy duty!

BOB: Didst thou e'er hath doubts that the strategy would worketh?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Ah-eth! At one point, two or three million years after the fart that createth the Cosmos, We nearly disGodded. We felt it weret nay working, there weret too mucheth begatting and the world weret sinful! We kneweth not what to do-eth and it weret all gettingeth too much for Us. But then John the Mysterious hath an idea to wipeth out the entire world with a raging flood and starteth again, so-eth that art what We doeth and We hath ne'er looketh back.

BOB: Art there a togetherethness among the Gods - doest Thou mix socially?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Nay. After two-eth milleniums, Thy deareth, it can-eth be really boringeth. Brian the Wise art a pompous old farteth at times.

BOB: So there art friction?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Only with Brian the Wise, Lo! but He can ne'er taketh a joketh. We causeth all the creatures of flight to crappeth upon His head, but, nay, He thinketh it to be-eth not funny, ha! ha! We thinketh it hilariouseth! But We giveth each other space. We go-eth our separate wayeths sometimes. We hath four limousines waitething after each show and We just go where'er We want. It art a job, as Thee sayeth. Thou cometh together, do-eth a gig....

BOB: Yet canst Thee be-eth in this "job" of Godding for life?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Ah-eth, Thou can ne'er putteth a deadline on Godding! Of these things thou knoweth not. Pisseth Us off and We could endeth it all tomorrow. We hath done it afore! Be-eth not afraid. If thou art a true Queebler, thou soul willeth be saved. It art a precarious life but I think Thee liketh it that way. Thou liketh to be-eth a little threatening. Thou liketh it a little risky. We art Gods! We art wealthy! We art survivors!

BOB: Wouldest Thou go backeth to begin again if Thou decideth to endeth it all?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Thee knoweth not. Thou doeth not get up every morning and asketh Thyself what willeth Thee do if the multitudes pisseth Thee off and Thee decideth to wipeth out the Earth. Thee taketh each day as it cometh. There art still a lot lefteth to be done. We hath mucheth to teacheth in New Lands. Thee liketh verily much preachething of The Word in new territories.

BOB: Dost Thou practice Thine elaborate stage act - sayeth by standething in front of a mirror?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Nay, Thee hath ne'er done that. Maybe Thee shouldeth and then Thee wouldest find out what the multitudes art on about! Thou can learn a lot by lookething at old videos of Thyself, but Lo! Thee hath ne'er been one to analyse Thyself too-eth much. Sometimes it art besteth to leaveth well alone, deareth. One art a God afteralleth, and One art perfect.

BOB: Who dareth to criticiseth Thou stage act, then, if anyone?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Oh-eth, Brian the Wise.

BOB: Doth Thou welcome that criticism?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea, Yea, Roger the Divine, John the Mysterious and Thee just get-eth pissedeth and haveth a laugh about it.

BOB: But art Thee not very prickly about criticism?...

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Oh-eth, Thee thinketh not. Only Brian the Wise art. Thee art Thy own boss,

BOB: What do-eth Thou want the multitudes to thinketh of Thee?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: That Thee art a God who singeth Thy songs and preacheth Thy Word well and performth properly. Thee liketh the multitudes to go-eth away from a Queen - The Gods show feelingeth fully entertained and havingeth of a good time. I think our songs art pure escapism from the life of a drudge, the answer to lifes questioneths - after that, they can go-eth away and say that weret great, and applyeth The Word to their problems. We willeth change the world with Our music. There art no hidden messages in Our songs, except for some of Brian the Wise. We knoweth not what He art on about. Thee liketh to write songs for fun, for modern multitudes. The multitudes needeth of a tissue when they art freed by-eth Thy Words. And Lo! Thee sayeth unto them - Hearken to it, liketh it, learneth from it, then on to the next. Disposableth of thou old life and adopteth Thy attitude. It art mucheth better.

BOB: So-eth that when Queen - The Gods art eventually judgeth, Thou doeth not wish to be regardeth as havething contributed tangibly to the fabric of rock'n'roll, like, sayeth, The Prophet Elvis Thine Pelvis or Jimmeth Hendrixeth?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Oh-eth! Doeth not be-eth ridiculous Bob! We art Gods! We can ne'er be-eth judged!

BOB: As academically qualified Gods, dost Thou thinketh Thou art overqualified for the role of rock musicianeths and that Thou art wastething of Thour Godly qualifications in other areas?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Nay nay nay! Our academiceth qualifications dideth nay helpeth Us with rock. As far as Thee weret concerneth, Thee weret an art school rejecteth whoeth hath a diploma-eth in graphics, but howeth doth that qualify Thee for rock? Thee art simply fabulous deareth, Thee weret createth that way.

BOB: Doth Thou feel verily poweful on stage and art that one of the reasons for Thou enjoyment of Thou success?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea Thy doeth, and yea it art.

BOB: Doth all this frighten Thou? Art the power controlleth?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Nay, Thee art ne'er frightened by it. In less fabulous hands it couldeth be dodgy. Thee could causeth a riot if Thee wanted to but Thee still thinketh that art a minor matter because tis all verily tongueth-in-cheek, thou must realise that, for Thee, anyway. Thee liketh to ridicule Thyself. Thee taketh it not too-eth seriously. Wouldeth Thee weareth of these clothes if Thee weret serious? The one thing that keepeth Thee going art that Thee liketh to laugh at Thyself. With English spakething multitudes Thee doth joke with them, slaggething them off and tellething them they art a load of idiots, but Thee doeth not mean it. Thy multitudes and Thee knoweth of humour. Brian the Wise doeth not. Thee can weareth ridiculous shorts and things liketh that, ham-eth it up with semi-Gestapo salute-eths. It art all kitsch.

BOB: Thy Heavenly Fathers art totally in controlleth of all destiny - doth Thou enjoyeth this aspect as mucheth as gettething the shows together?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea.

BOB: Doth Thou e'er leaveth a stage feeling Thou hast done a really bad gig?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea, but rarelyeth. We all scream and shout at Brian the Wise foreth it art usually all His fault. We destroyeth the dressing room and releaseth Our energy. Thee liketh to ponce and pout, Roger the Divine liketh to smasheth things and John the Mysterious just sitteth in the corner quietly. Once in San-eth Franciscoeth Thee losteth of Thy voice and it weret awful, Thy register was limited to virtually a monotone. Tweret Brians fault, he putteth water in Thy Vodka vessel, liketh the killjoy He is-eth. Thee still gaveth it Thy all but Thee kneweth it weret a bad performance. Thee hath nodules on Thy vocal chords and most tours art now scheduled around Thy voice. It art all Brian the Wises' fault.

BOB: But Thou voice hearkens very powerful....

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Thee art losing the range, believeth it or nay. Thee art lost the power Thee beganeth with. Blameth Brian the Wise. But Thee hath becometh a stronger singer so-eth maybe Thy framework art diminishing but within that Thee canst sing better than e'er. Thy voice can do-eth amazing things now. Thee art amazingeth.

BOB: Let us spaketh of Thou songscribing. Canst Thou scribeth songs to order: "At two o'clock todayeth Thee willeth start work on a song....?

THE LORD GOD FREDDE: Giveth unto Thee a bottle or two-eth of Vodka and a paireth of false boobs and Thee can perforeth miracles deareth! Thee hath no set rules for scribing, but yea, Thee canst scribeth like that, Thee really can. Tis haphazard and hath becometh a bit of a joke to Thee and Roger and John but Brian the Wise getteth all huffy about it and sayeth it musteth be done in a disciplined fashion. He art a twat at times. "Bohemian Rhapsody" Thee hath to drinketh like crazy. Thee just wanteth that kind of song. "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" took Thee five minutes in Thy bathtub, whilst being exfoliatedeth by seven nubile slaves. Thee dideth that on the guitar, which Thee canst play for nuts, and Thee almost electricuted Thineself!

BOB; What art Thou best song so-eth far?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Thee knoweth not! Thee scribeth them and churneth them out to the multitudes. If Thou asketh Thee to playeth some of Thy older scribing on the piano, Thou couldeth not. Thee forgeteth them, too mucheth of the Vodka deareth.

BOB: Canst Thou readeth music?

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Verily little. Thou doeth not needeth of it. Thou leaveth that to the other Gods. It art not like Mozart art it? We reacheth more multitudes this wayeth.

BOB: Almighty Lord God Freddie, it hath been an absolutely excellenteth pleasure havething Thou grace our studios with Thine presence.

THE LORD GOD FREDDIE: Yea, but that it surely must be-eth. Thee art a lush creature, art Thee not! And there-eth thou haveth it.