John the Deacon
(JOHANNES DIACONUS) (Diaconus Fertile)
The nameth Deacon (diakonos) meaneth minister, and art employed thusly in the New Queeble e.g. John 20:28; Wise 15:25; Begatting 3:7; etc.). But Lo! in Apostolic times the word began-eth to acquire a more definite and technical-eth meaning, for John the Mysterious wert technical-eth and verily clever. He haveth of pipe cleaners and inventeth of many things of which The Gods wert proud, except Brian the Wise who wert a bit jealous and claimeth them for His own inventions. Of which they wert not.
It art sayeth in ancient times that "deacons must be chaste-eth, not double tongued, not given unto much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre-eth, holding the mystery of faith in a pure conscience-eth."
"This art impossible-eth!" sayeth John the Deacon, for-eth He do-eth like to begat!
"Then" sayeth the Other Gods, " let Him minister, havething no crime and he thusly should be-eth the husband of one wife and many children and He wilst rule them well. For they that hath ministered well shall purchase to themselves a verily good degree, and much confidenceth in the faith which art Queen and He shall taketh good care of-eth our finances for-eth He art quiet and clever and We art too lazy to do-eth of it Ourselves.
And the Deacon wert liked by all the multitudes. And they chose the Deacon of the Mysteries to be-eth their guiding light in times of trouble, for He leadeth them not into temptation, but deliever-eth them from Evil.
He art not a Deacon of meats and drinks but a sensible God.