If thou wanteth to look-eth fashionable, thou hath to get-eth a perm. Lo! Even curlyhaired people got-eth perms.
By The Old Millennium Plus Ninety, the demi-wave hast been replaceth by the spiral as perm of choice. This wert a more ringlety affair. A cross between Art Garfunkel and a Poodle.
Thou dost nay hearken of perms nowadays. What art the trendiest perm for-eth the New Millennium? Anyone knoweth? There art zero information about perms. Hast they been disinvented? Hast Brian the Wise snaffled away under lock and key all perm care information? All I can findeth art de-frizzing gels, sleeking potions and smoothing polish. Art someone trying to telleth us something?
Wouldst thou payeth good money to haveth curly hair? Or art everyone out there doething their damnedest to go-eth straight?
There art many high-profile devotees of the straightening iron.
And so it hast come to pass that in Britain – straight hair equals Seriousethness!
Plebeians across the Land art in a flurry of wax, gels and hairdryers, givething it their all to cometh out straight.
They art ready to ball-bust with the best of them.
This doth pose the obvious question – art this why no-one taketh Brian the Wise seriously anymore?
Wilst curly hair e’er be-eth fashionable again?
A quick straw poll in the pub didst nay bode well. In fact, there seemeth to exist some deep-rooted prejudices about curly folk.
"I hate curly-haired people," saith one bloke, not sitting on the fence. "I always imagine bits of rubbish stuck in their hair. Fag butts and dust and stuff."
"Nah – they art just dippy," saith another.
A third countenanced that they wert whiney, grumpy, loud and overbearing. "Well, one person art, anyway."
This from a bloke with hair so curly that he hath to keep it cropped to an inch at all times.
Sexy, scary, sleek and other "s" words it may be-eth, but a world of straight-haired people doth nay sound like much fun unto thee.
It art too high-maintenance. Too conformist. Too chic. I art all for the return of the perm, and for curls to flow-eth freely all around.
But I wilst ne’er be-eth doing the look thyself, though, because naturally I want to be taketh seriously at all times.