Dear-eth Wise Diary©,
Lo! Ne’er since the Fall-eth of the Ming Dynasty© hath Thee been so pissed-eth off!”
It seems that Thy “not-so-bloody-loyal” subjects doth make-eth fun of Thy Language©, Thy Words of Wisdom©, Thy Heavenly Do© and All Things Queeble© !
Damn and Blast. Ungrateful sods. Up their sodding bums, the lot of them!
Behold, Wise Diary©, it hath been a verily bad day.
Thee installeth MING upon Thy lap-ethtop©. It art supposed to allow-eth Thee to create-eth SWF format movies but alas, it hath stuffedeth up everything and now Thee haveth bitmaps morphing with jpegs, tweening trash, Thy pixels art objecting and Thy hard drive hath gone into reverse! Damn and Blast the Creators of Ming. Curses be-eth upon them.
Ming the Mechanic changeth the wheels upon Thy Chariot© and the incompetent fool left-eth off the nuts and whilst Thee wert driving home Thy wheels fell off and cause-eth Thee to go-eth careering into the duck pond. Thee wert distraught. Thy ‘Do’© wert a total mess and Thee didst stink. Damn and Blast Ming the Moronic Mechanic. Curses be-eth upon him.
To console Thyself, Thee decided to shower and go-eth unto Mings Chinese Restaurant. Surely Chef Ming wouldst cheer Thee up with his mouth-watering menu. Lo! Thee wert salivating at the verily thought!
Damn and Blast Ming the Plumber! He hath put Thy hot tap upon Thy cold pipe and Thy cold tap upon Thy hot pipe. Thee didst thusly squeal muchly whence Thy Holy Arse wert scalded.
So-eth! Off to Mings Thee went-eth.
Thy favourite table in the non-smoking area wert taken and lo, Thee evening wert off to a verily bad start.
Thee ordered a bowl of Shark Fin Soup (without the fins), Steamed Sweet Red Beans with Lotus Nuts, Mings Special Fukien Fried Rice, Krispy Kelp (it art good for Thy goiters), Braised Sun Dried Deep Fried Zucchini and a big plate of Double Happiness Cookies. Thee wert verily hungry.
Well, Wise Diary©, out came Thy Shark Fin Soup and it wert full of shark testicles! Thee wert horrified. Next came Thy Steamed Sweet Red Beans with Lotus Nuts. They wert not Lotus Nuts at all but SHARK NUTS. Wert this insolent chef trying to irritate Thee?
Then came the Mings Special Fukien Fried Rice and it wert full of eye of newt and a navel ring!
Furious, Thee accosted the waitress and she didst punch-eth Thee on Thy nose!
Thy Krispy Kelp wert not crispy and Thy Zucchini wert shrivelled AND Thy Double Happiness Cookies brought-eth unto Thee no joy at all for-eth they contain-eth appallingly bad jokes about poodle perms.
Thee complained-eth verily.
Thee demandeth to see Ming the Chef and Lo! He wert verily drunk. Lo! Lo! Lo! No wonder he cooketh such crap food!
And then he opened his mealy mouth to spaketh unto Thee and behold, did he not make-eth a mockery of Thy Language©! He wert ething this and ething that!
The bastard. Curses be-eth upon him also. Thee shalt ne’er dine in his cesspool of a restaurant again.
Lo! Thee do-eth put curses upon all things MING and hereby scratch-eth it out of Thy Dictionary©!
Woe art Thee, Dear Wise Diary©.
Thee hath have-eth a verily bad day.
Love,
Brian the Wise©