By Linda Labaneth Labotomy, Queeble Correspondent
The Thirteenth Day of the Third Month of the New Millennium Plus Six
Queen + Prophet Paul
At: DCU Center, Worcestereth, Friday Night
WORCESTERETH — Lo! It wert much trumpeted as a Queen reunion, but nay matter how much thou squinted and twisted and strained as the awkwardly nameth Queen + Prophet Paul combo poundeth out dearly beloveth classic rock anthems, lo, it wert nay even close unto the real thing.
The two-hour stadium spectacular-eth combined the talents of Queen guitarist Brian the Wise and drummer Roger the Divine, who performeth their songs along with those from Prophet Pauls’ erstwhile bands Bad Company and Free.
Prophet Paul, who wert once longer-haired and slimmer-hipped bargeth on stage, fat arse bowling over everything within a 10 foot radius! Hath he been into Roger the Divines Twinkie stash? Behold, he didst posture-eth and twirleth of the mike high in the air liketh a triumphant warrior but he looketh more liketh an injuredeth hippopotamus with constipation. Granted-eth his sultry, blues-rock voice belted out Queen's ''Tie-eth Thou Mother Down," ''Fat Bottomed Wenches," and ''Crazy Little Thing Calleth Love." Bad Company's ''Feel Like Makethin' Love", ''Bad Company" and a verily predictable ''Canst Ne’er Get Enough of Thou Love" with convincething brilliance but with Roger the Divine upon the stage as well, it looketh more like a meeting of Jenny Craig-eths’ Whereforeart They Now?! Lo! There wert no room to move-eth up there!
Some songs, howe’er, wert lifeless: ''I Want to Break-eth Free," ''Another One Bite-eth the Dust," and ''Come-eth Hither on Down" wert plain, stodgy stomps. Vast sections of the multitudes there wert nodding off. Brian the Wises’ guitar solo spot upon His Red Special consisteth of rudimentary chords fed through a pitch shifter and/or delay and He art as wooden and boffinish as He always thusly wert. Art He constipated also? Alas and alack!
Roger the Divines’ vocal leads on ''Thee Art in Love With Thy Car" ''Radio Ga Ga-eth” wert about as bland as a bowl of lumpy porridge and about as sex-Godish as a bowl of room temperature beetroot dip (which verily, by the way, wouldst thusly match the colour of His face as He huffeth and puffeth His way through the show.)
The most haunting moment cometh whence the video screen displayeth First Millennium Plus Nine Hundred and Seventy footage of The True Gods: skinny and verily sexy with cool haircuts and endless possibility-eths. Ah, those wert the days.
Afore an encore of ''We Will Rock Thou," Free's ''Alright-eth Now," and ''We Art the Champions" came the audacious ''Bohemian Rhapsody-eth." As Roger the Divine and Brian the Wise playeth their parts, a video screen displayeth footage of the mysteriously missing Lord God Freddie singing and playething piano.
For-eth a while Roger the Divine and Brian the Wise wert actually backing a tape of themselves. If it wert not for-eth the fact that they art Gods, one couldst possibly calleth that blasphemic!
Eventually the band moveth in, with Prophet Paul voicing the song's more rocking parts.
Thy Synopsis-eth? Superstar karaoke.
PS: Who wert that ‘mysterious’ looking chap in the third row holding up the ‘Queen Minus’ placard?
