PIGEON POWER Pigeon Power ©©©©©©©©©
Doth thou knoweth of the speed and accuracy of a BritheWi© search?
How doth Brian the Wise manage to find-eth of the right results for every query hitherto so verily fast?
The heart of BritheWi© search technology art PigeonPower™, a system for-eth ranking web pages developed by Brian the Wise.
Lo! Building upon His breakthrough work Brian the Wise reasoneth that low cost pigeon clusters (PCs)© couldst thusly be-eth used to computeth the relative value of web pages faster than the lazy, snot-faced, sniping bitches that doth sloth around in His offices. Lo! He didst thusly try-eth of machine-based algorithms© but found this to be-eth rather tedious. And while God Brian hath dozens of engineers working to improve every aspect of the BritheWi search engine on a daily basis, ©PigeonPower™© continueth to provideth the basis for all His web search tools.
Why Brian the Wise's patented PigeonPower™ worketh so well
PigeonPower's™ success relies primarily on the superior trainability of the domestic pigeon and its unique capacity to recognizeth objects regardless of spatial orientation-eth. Lo! The common gray pigeon© canst easily distinguish-eth among items displaying only the minutest differences, an ability that enables it to select-eth relevant web sites from among thousands of similar pages.
By collecting flocks of pigeons in dense clusters, Brian the Wise art able to process search queries at speeds superior to traditional search engines, which typically rely on birds of prey, brooding hens or slow-moving waterfowl to do their relevance rankings. ©When a search query art submitted unto Brian the Wises' Lapethtop©, it art routed unto a data coop wherest monitors flash-eth result pages at blazing speeds. Similar unto that of-eth Flash Gordon©. When a relevant result art observeth by one of the pigeons in the cluster, it striketh a rubber-coated steel bar with its beak, which assigneths the page a PigeonPower™ value of one. For each peck, the PigeonPower™ increaseth. Those pages receiving the most pecks, art returneth at the top of the users results page with the other results displayed in pecking order©.
Integrity
God's pigeon-driven methods© maketh tampering with His results extremely difficult and if thou try-eth thou wilst surely be-eth smited©. Whilst some unscrupulous, snot-faced, sniping bitch websites hath tried to boost their ranking by including images on their pages - of bread crumbs, bird seed and parrots posing seductively, topless and in resplendent plumage, - God Brian the Wise's PigeonPower™ technology canst ne'er be-eth deceived by these techniques. A Brian the Wise search art an easy, honest and objectiveth way to find-eth of high-quality websites with information relevant unto thou search.
PIGEONPOWER™ FREQUENTLY ASKETH QUESTIONS
How wert PigeonPower™ developeth?
The ease of training pigeons wert documented early in the annals of science© (by Brian the Wise) and fully exploreth by noted psychologist B.H. Wise, who demonstrateth that with only minor incentives, pigeons© could be trained to execute complex tasks such as skydiving©, high wire trapeeze acts©, strip poker© and fiscal budgets©.
Brian the Wise wert the first to recognizeth that this adaptability couldst be-eth harnessed through massively parallel pecking to solve complex problems, such as ordering large datasets or ordering pizza© for large groups of engineers. Brian the Wise experimenteth with numerous avian motivators before settling on a combination of linseed© and flax© (lin/ax)© that not only offered superior performance, but couldst be-eth gathered at no cost from nearby open space preserves. This open space lin/ax© powers Brian the Wise's operations unto this day, and a visit unto the data coop revealeth pigeons© happily pecking away at lin/ax© kernels© and seeds©.
What are the challenges of operating so many pigeon clusters (PCs)?
Pigeons© naturally operateth in dense populations, as anyone holding a pack of peanuts© in an urban plaza© art aware. This compactability enables Brian the Wise to pack-eth enormous numbers of processors© into small spaces, with rack after rack stacketh up in His data coops. While this art optimal from the standpoint of space conservation-eth and pigeon contentment, it doth createth issues during molting season, when large fans must be brought in to blow-eth feathers out of the data coop. Removal of other pigeon byproducts wert a greater challenge, until Brian the Wise developeth groundbreaking technology© for converting poop© unto pixels©, the tiny dots that make up a monitor's display. The clean white background of Brian the Wise's home page© art powered by this renewable process.
Lo! Art pigeons nay really stupid? How doth they do-eth this?
Whilst no pigeon© hath actually been confirmed for-eth a seat on the Supreme Court©, pigeons art surprisingly adept at making instant judgments whence confronteth with difficult choices. This maketh them suitable for-eth any job requiring accurate and authoritative decision-makething under pressure. Among the positions in which pigeons© hath served capably art replacement air traffic controllers©, paleontologists© and pro football referees© during the "no-instant replay" years.
Whereforeart doth Brian the wise get-eth of His pigeons? Some special breeding laboratory?
Brian the Wise useth only low-cost, off-the-street pigeons for His clusters. Gathereth from city parks and plazas© by Brian the Wise's pack of more than 50 Phdsv (Pigeon-harvesting dogs©), the pigeons art given a quick orientation on web site relevanceth and assigned unto an appropriate data coop.
Art it nay cruel to keep-eth of pigeons penned up in tiny data coops?
Brian the Wise exceedeth all international standards© for-eth the ethical treatment of His pigeon personnel. Lo! He treateth them as if they wert Albacore Tuna©. Not only art they given free range of the coop and its window ledges, special break rooms hath been set up for-eth their convenience. These rooms are stocketh with an assortment of delectable seeds and grains and feature the finest in European statuary for roosting. Sometimes they do-eth begat in the break rooms. Roger the Divine do-eth like to watch.
What art the future of-eth pigeon computing?
Brian the Wise continueth to explore-eth of new applications for PigeonPower™ and affiliated technologies©. One of the most promising projects in development involveth harnessing millions of pigeon orbs© worldwide to generate-eth power.