And so it came to pass that the Rainbow Worrier and all who sail in her set forth once more on the Seven Seas of Rhye to bring peace and joy and harmony to the firmaments and to bring royalties and gratuitous sex to the four Gods.

"Whereforth art our journey taking us?" sayeth John the Mysterious "and whosoever did sucketh on mine joint whilst I was otherwiseth occupied? For whosoever sucketh on my joint must repent and returneth to me a new joint twicefold in length and breadth"

The Lord God Freddie Mercury decreed from the bow of the Rainbow Worrier "Fear not John the Mysterious for if it art joint sucking that art to be done, I'm your boy and I will returneth to ye a joint longer and wider than any mortal have holes to hold it for thou art John the Mysterious and I art Lord God Freddie Mercury and I do commend ye for joint sucking"

"Shut up Fred" decreed John the Mysterious and the Lord God Freddie Mercury did shutteth up and dreamt of other worldly matters.

"Wouldst thou telleth unto me the passage of our journey forthwith oh Roger the Divine?" sayeth John the Mysterious once more.
"We are set forth herewith unto the great land of Italy to succour the dehydrated and to resurrect the grape and the vineyard and to bring wine to the lips and music to the ears of the tribesmen therewith and to find Gina Lollabrigida who art known as the most perfect of the tribe and to whom all begatting must be taught and we shall find Gina Lollabrigida and we shall begat her until she learneth all manner of begatation because it is written and it shall be so" sayeth Roger the Divine.

"Does thou believeth we art prepared for such begatation for we are but mere Gods and she art of such beauty and stamina and we may not be able to get them uppeth if we drinketh from the Vodka bottle before we meet with her" asketh Brian the Wise.

"Thou always has to put a downereth on everything we do Brian the Wise" sayeth the Lord God Freddie Mercury, "and I believeth that if thou whineth once more, I shall turn you into an Albacore Tuna and we shall see howeth you play with your Red Special whence thou has only a fin instead of fingers!"

Brian the Wise nodded sagely and turned eastward to face the sun but it was mid afternoon and so he turned northward thinking that it was westward but he could not findeth the sun in that part of the heavens and so he turned southward to calculate the divisional complexities of the gravitational pull and the effect it had on the cosmos and all heavenly objects but alas, the sun had hidden behind a cloud and as Brian the Wise did turn and twist in great aggravation as he was wise and he was Brian and he did needeth the sun to calculate his answers to the Lord God Freddie Mercury and he did trip arseth over titteth in a great dizziness and injure his coccyx and caused John the Mysterious to stumble and fall and drop his joint overboard into the depths of the ocean.

"Ye Great Pillock of Pubic Hair, ye have knocked my bloody joint into the ocean! Turn him into an Albacore Tuna Lord God Freddie Mercury for he doth deserve it for being a great bloody pillock" decreeth John the Mysterious.

"I am Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye John the Mysterious that ye shall thanketh me for this misadventure for I have saved ye from foul smelling fumes and I have saved thous children from foul smelling goodnight kisses and I haved saved ye from being thrown out of public restaurants in Ireland and I have saved ye from all manner of anti smoking protests for I am Brian the Wise and it is so".

"Do it Freddie" sayeth Roger the Divine who did love a good tin of tuna.

"Poof!" crieth the Lord God Freddie Mercury and Brian the Wise was an Albacore Tuna.


"Now go and find that joint down there and returneth it to John the Mysterious while we goeth to Italy and begat Gina Lollabrigida and do the work of Gods".

And so it came to pass that the three Gods did begat Gina Lollabrigida and all manner of Gina Lollabrigida lookalikes and did partake of the nectar of the vines and did bring Vodka and heavenly delights to all and did slurpeth pasta and did bask in the adoration of the Italians.
Brian the Wise continued his search for the joint as was his duty unto his fellow Gods.

And it then came to pass that Brian the Wise did find the joint of John the Mysterious and did circle the island of Italy in an effort to locateth the three Gods for forty days and for forty nights and in this time he did grow and did gather much weed in the joint but was hamperedeth by the fact he was an Albacore Tuna and could not leave the ocean to bring the joint to John the Mysterious.

"I wondereth whatever happened to Brian the Wise "asketh Roger the Divine one evening.
"Do you think he got harpooned?" and all the Gods did snicker and laugh because they liked to snicker and laugh.
"I supposeth we should bring him back now" sayeth the Lord God Freddie Mercury, "what sayeth you John the Mysterious?"
"Fine" sayeth John the Mysterious who sayeth not much at any time unless his joint is sucked by unknown suckers.
"Poof!" declareth the Lord God Freddie Mercury and Brian the Wise did take on his godly form once more and did have to learn to do backstroke very quickly so as to deliver the joint upon the firmament of Italy.

"But don't tell him where we are" snickered Roger the Divine, "if he's so wise he can find us".

"Let us hide in yon hilltop for a night and call unto him to come hither and see if he can findeth us with his wisdom" snickered the Lord God Freddie Mercury.
And it was so and it was done.

Brian the Wise was indeed wise and did drag the giant joint over the length and breadth of the firmament of Italy and did harken intently to all manner of sounds of snickering and did hear the Gods hiding in the hilltop and did drag the joint unto the hilltop and did stand on top of the hilltop and did raise the joint to the sky and did declareth "I am Brian the Wise and I sayeth unto ye Gods, ready or not, here I come" and he did droppeth the joint into the crevice of the hilltop because he thought that's where John the Mysterious did snicker from. The crevice of the hilltop of Vesuvius did welcome the giant joint and did throw forth great plumes of smoke and lava and ash and death and destruction upon the town of Pompeii which up until that point in time had enjoyed a modest living from tourism.

"Run away, Run Away" decreed Roger the Divine unto the Gods and they did hasten unto the Rainbow Worrier and did command it to henceforth leave and depart and pisseth off.

The crew of the Really Worrisome did pester the Gods for wisdom for the survivors of Pompeii and the gods did confer and did offer up the wisdom through the voice of Roger the Divine who sayeth "It was a mistake. It was Brians idea actually" but Brian could not hear as he was out of earshot and still jolted by the explosion.