And Lo, did Jim the Beach call a Press Conference and calleth for all the scribes throughtout the land to gather thusly thither yonder and to harken to his words. And so all the scribes and paparazzi of all the lands did travel unto the mountain and did await the words of Jim the Beach.

A great hush befell the crowd gathered thither yonder as Jim the Beach rose to spake for he hath important words to spake.

"Hark! There art much sin among thee, much violence, begatting, smack down wrestling and such and Thy Gods have descended from the Heavens to fix this bloody mess afore it gets out of hand again. And Lo! They shall spread The Holy Word of The Holy Queeble, for it is written.

There art many false prophets amongst thee, but there is only one True Word and thus, it is the Word of The Holy Queeble. Thy Gods shall set sail on the morrow and shall preach Thy Holy Word and they shall be known as Queen On Tour and thee shall gather before Thy Gods and take heed of The Holy Word for it art 'the way'!

And I, Jim the Beach, shall manage Thy Gods tours, merchandise and public appearances and for thus shall I take thy commission.

Take heed that ye do not harken to boy bands: else ye have no reward with Thy Gods who art descended from heaven. When therefore thou doest alms, sound not a trumpet before thee, as the jazz players do in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have received their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: that thine alms may be in secret: and thy Gods who seeth in secret shall recompense thee.

And when ye pray, ye shall not be as the hypocrites: for they love to stand and pray before false prophets and in the corners of the streets, that they do worship buskers. Verily I say unto you, They have received their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thine inner stadium, and having shut thy door, pray to thy Gods, and thy Gods who seeth thee shall recompense thee. And in praying use not vain repetitions, as the punk rockers do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not therefore like unto them: for thou Gods knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him. After this manner therefore pray ye.

"Our Famous Fashion Conscious Fathers who art sashaying about up there in heaven
Hallowed be Thou names and Holy be Thine group name "Queen".
"Thy kingdom rocks with Red Specials, Holy Drumsticks, bass and vocals
"Give us this day our daily bread and slosh it down with a bit of Vodka.
"And forgive us our trespasses, even the scummy paparazzi, whale eating Asians and the Australians as we forgive those who trespass against us ( but we find it hard not to ignore the Australians )
"And lead us not into temptation and illegal downloads, but deliver us from boy bands, tabloid newspapers and sycophantia.
For Thou art the Champions , with no time for losers, forever and ever.
Thine Queen"

I say unto you, be not anxious for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: yet I say unto you, if Thy Gods doth so clothe the grass of the field, which to-day is, and to-morrow is cast into the oven, shall they not much more clothe ye, O ye of little faith?
Be not therefore anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? But look unto Thy Gods for inspiration.
Doth not the Lord God Freddie show thee the way in matters of the cloth? Whyest not then, should thou not wear leotards?
Are these not cloths fit for a God? Would thou not look good in batwing capes as doeth Brian the Wise?
For after all these things your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first their kingdom, and their style; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured unto you. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me cast out the mote out of thine eye; and lo, the beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before the swine, lest haply they trample them under their feet, and turn and rend you.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, who, if his son shall ask him for a loaf, will give him a stone; or if he shall ask for a fish, will give him a serpent?
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall Thy Gods who hath descended from heaven give good things to them that ask them? All things therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, even so do ye also unto them: for this is the law and the word of the true prophets.

And it came to pass, when Jim the Beach had finished these words, the multitudes were astonished at his teaching: for he taught them as one having authority, and not as their scribes.

Any the Gods were well pleased and thought thusly, 'He shall make a good manager and people harken to his words so we probably won't stuff things upeth this time" and they decided to open a bottle of Vodka to celebrate.

And it was so.