Behold! It wert a day any bride wouldst wish-eth for - brilliant sunshine, and didst not everything goeth like-eth the work of-eth the sundial? And there wert no embarrassing mishaps.
Well, if ye overlook Roger the Divine getting quiet legless on Vodka cocktails and devouring the entire contents of the buffet table.
And John the Mysterious dragging the Earthly Queen up to do-eth the Chicken Dance.
And The Lord God Freddie loudly commenting that the frocks wert atrocious and He couldst hath thusly designed better with a few tablecloths and plastic feathers.
And the miserable expression upon the face of Brian the Wise for the entire celebrations because-eth "The Earthly Queen Elizabeths bloody corgis pisseth all over Thy brand new clogs".
And the fact that the Bridal Camel hath diaorreah.
The multitudes lined the streets as Prince-eth Charles wed Camilla Parkarshoesundercharliesbedanytime.
The wedding of Prince-eth Charles to Camilla Parkashoesundercharliesbedanytime attracted thousands of plebians on to the streets, keen to catch-eth a glimpse of the couple afore and after the civil ceremony-eth.
A frosty expression upon the face of the Earthly Queen Elizabeth didst nowt to dampen the spirits of the couple who wert somewhat bemused-eth by the change in security arrangethments.
"Whoforeart leadething the procession?" asketh Prince-eth Charles.
"Tis I, Brian the Wise" sayeth Brian the Wise popping His head out of His brand new WiseMobile.
"I, Brian the Wise, hath recently aquireth a new armoured vehicle and it art wise and apt-eth that Thee taketh over the security of-eth the procession and thereforeart Thee willst thusly be-eth leading it!"
Good spirits
The crowd wert in verily good spirits as Roger the Divine kept going out the back door to pee and wert handing out Vodka cocktails unto the multitudes there. "Here cometh the bride, With Vodka Thee art plied, Thee wanna ride in the WiseMobile, But Thee art too fat and wide.
'Good king'
"Lo! He art going to be-eth a good king and she art going to be-eth a good queen." sayeth the people.
"That art still under review-eth. Do-eth nay jump-eth unto conclusions until I, Brian the Wise, hath given unto it wise considerationeth." sayeth Brian the Wise
'The Arrival-eth'
Finally, after hours waiting in the April Sun In Cuba, the guests arriveth. The Gods arriveth in the brand new WiseMobile, except Roger the Divine who wert too fat, He arriveth upon His camel.
"Whyforeart Thou not riding in the WiseMobile?" asketh the Heckler.
"The mini bar art thusly empty-eth" sayeth Roger the Divine and He thusly fell off His camel.
"Canst Thou actually fit in the WiseMobile?" asketh The Heckler.
"Piss orf" sayeth Roger the Divine.
John the Mysterious looketh verily mysterious, in fact, some sayeth He wert so mysterious He wert not really there at all.
The Lord God Freddie looketh resplendant in a verily glamorous outfit made entirely of peacock feathers and rhinestones.
"Dear-eths! This art how a bride shouldst thusly look-eth!" He declareth and strutteth inside.
Brian the Wise alighted importantly from His WiseMobile whereupon the Earthly Queens corgis didst promptly piss upon His new clogeths!
"Eau! Thou pimply, snivelling, conniving, pasty-faced, dumb-bum, pathetic beyond words, ridiculous, clever dickus, arsethhole sniping bitches! Look whatst thou hath done!!! Thou hath pissed all over Thy new clog-eths and thou piss art now upon the pavement untofore-ethwith Thee wert going to kiss as a Holy sign that I, Brian the Wise, art pompously importanteth and do-eth herebyeth giveth unto this marriage Thy blessing. Well! Thou canst eat shit and die if thou thinketh for-eth one minute Thee willst kiss the pavement now!"
And He didst thusly storm-eth inside and sit in the back pews and sulk-eth.
A short time after cheers went up for-eth Prince-eth Hazza and Willeth, cries of "they art coming, they art coming", rang out along the high street as the bride and groom arriveth.
Crowd's complimenteths
Coos of "Oh she art absolutely-eth beautiful" wert hearkened as people glimpsed the much-anticipated wedding outfit. But The Lord God Freddie thought it far too plain and didst berate the people for-eth being boring. "Whereforeart the sequins and feathers?" He sayeth loudly, "Body-hugging lycra wouldst thusly hath been Thy choice!"
But for one plebian from Buckinghamshire-eth, it wert verily disappointing.
"Lo! We hath been here seven days and seven hours" she lamenteth. "We thought they t'would do-eth bit of a walkabout but Brian the Wise took-eth over security and maketh us to stand back on the other side of the river whilst He ushereth them straight inside. Lo! We hath nay seen-eth a bloody thing! Brian the Wise art a tosser!".
"Banish those plebians from Thy Kingdom and get-eth the crowds away from-eth here!" ordered Brian the Wise.
As the official vehicles moved off behind Brian the Wise's new WiseMobile, police hath little difficulty dispersing the crowd, but The Heckler maketh a naked dash from the throngs.
"Arrest-eth that man!" crieth Brian the Wise, "He foreart trying to rain-eth on Thy parade!"
He wert quickly surrounded by police and camels after being made to lie face down on to the road and haveth his arse tarred and featheredeth.
The Receptioneth
Lo! The multitudes didst thusly gather after the ceremony for-eth the Wedding Breakfast and wert dismayethed to find barely a few crumbs remainething upon the buffet table.
"Whereforeart-eth all the food?" they crieth.
"Dunno!" sayeth a rather guilty looking Roger the Divine who hath a large tomato sauce stain on the front of His lapel-eth.
Suddenly there wert a deafening sound from-eth the rooftop. The crowd gaspeth and Earthly Queen Elizabeth crieth "Whoforeart that bloody wanker playing guitar upon Thy Royal Roof again. One art not amuseth! Get the bastard down immediatethly and orf with his head!"
"Nay! That we canst ne'er do, Thou Majesty-eth!" sayeth the security guards, "That foreart Brian the Wise playing His Red Special!"
"Oh bloody hell" sayeth Earthly Queen Elizabeth, "One swears He must be-eth trying to compenethsate for-eth something!"
...ALERT FROM BUCKINGHUGE PALACE!!!...STOP-ETH....SNIPER-ETH UPON THE ROOF...STOP-ETH....SHOOT-ETH HIM IN THE GONADS...STOP-ETH....HE THUSLY GIVETH UNTO BETSY A MIGRANE-ETH...STOP-ETH...
"Camilla dear, the well-wishers art miles away! Whoforeart organiseth the security?"
"Oy-eth! We canst nay see-eth a bloody thing from back 'ere. Brian the Wise couldn't organise a begat in a brothel, let alone a procession!"
"Whoforeart that fat, drunk man over there Camilla?"
"Philip dear-eth, One wert amused with that wee wee trick thou taught ones Corgis! Do tell-eth unto One how that wert done!"
"Eau Camilla, whoforeart that strange man in that vehicle? Didn't one see the Pope in that last year?"
'THAT ART NOT A HAT - THIS ART A HAT!!! ' sayeth the Lord God Freddie
"Behold! A thousand camels art thy wedding gift unto ye!" sayeth Sheik Two Tight Tea Towells
"COME-ETH ALONG POOPSY, ONE WISHES TO COMMENCETH ONES HONEYMOON!"
