NEW YORK-ETH TIMES
Wow-eth! How interesting that I, Brian the Wise© , of all people, who shouldst thusly knoweth better, falleth unto the trap of believething what a journalist disheth up. Slopeths. Vile Swill-eth.
This letter art verily interestething and hath opened Thy eyes ... thanks be upon thee Kylus, for that researcheth© . Thou art truly a devoteth servant© .
Thee canst now see that KingusMercury art a totally useless pleb, who hath absolutethly no grasp of the Archaic English Language© that Thee inventeth!
No wonder thee wert misquoteth! Thou fool! If thou meaneth to scribeth something, thou must maketh thyself clear. Thou scribings must be-eth accurate-eth and concise, not that drivelleth thou hath penned-eth!
Thee can now see that this poor chap "KingMercury" wert playething right into the hands of this snot-faced, pimply, sniping bitch journalist and it wert verily much his own fault.
Yea! Thee haveth thy letter, thou silly lad. Thee sayeth unto thou - KingusMercury - that thou haveth only slightly redeemeth thyself. Thou wilst needeth to be-eth much more supportive in the future or I, Brian the Wise© , God of All Things© , will banish ye unto the fires of hell© .
Try harder and the Problem wilst be-eth solved.
Love
Bri the Wi©
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