Lo! Thusly! Hitherto!

Thee hath instructeth Thy Gatekeepers to kidnap and impoundeth them and I, Brian the Wise hath thusly tied them unto their camels and hereby doth announceth unto ye:

The Inaugural Bri the Wi Snotty Sniping Bitches Scribes Cup !!!

If they insisteth upon being a barrier unto Thy music, then let us see how they jumpeth OUT OF THE BARRIER! Ha Ha Ha-eth!

Hereforeart the form guide!

BRI THE WI SNOTTY SNIPING BITCHES SCRIBES CUP

RACE I

12.00 PM

Track: Circumferenceth - 1019clogs, Straight - 197clogs, Starts - 7 Off Front
Track Record: 1:55.0 - Dinki Di 13/08/2005
Prizemoney: $3,500 - 1st $2,345, 2nd $700, 3rd $350, 4th $105
2138 CLOGS - MOBILE START

1 VODKA LASS
FT
BANDLEADER USA - WISE GOODLOOKING
BAY CAMEL WITH TWO VERILY NICE HUMPS 3YRS
RED, WHITE CROSSETH SASHES, DARK BLUE SLEEVES
Owner: SIOBIAN SNOTT
Trainer: DIVINE STABLES
Rider: SIOBIAN SNOTT (hath been ridden by Roger the Divine)
sr, , leader at bell, showed gate speed.pre race swab, 1 out - 2 back at bell, restrained at start, raced wide. showed gate speed, broke, stood down 1 trial
Last Win: Orbital Cup

2 TAKETH THY MONEY AND RUN
FT
WKMAHLER - COUNTESS EASTEND
BLACK CAMEL WITH NO BALLS 3YRS
RED, WHITE BRACES & YOKE, RED STARS
Owner: New York-eth Times
Trainer: MAIL BOY
Rider: PIMPLY FACED SNIPING BITCH
9027021151 -
1 out - 1 back at bell, shifted ground, driver suspended rule 168(1). behind leader at bell, hung out, raced roughly in score up, used sprint lane, swabbed.
3rd fence at bell, inconvenienced, used sprint lane, swabbed.
Last Win: Biggus Dickus Plate

3 WHOFOREART JOHN
FT
RECTUM USA - EXCESSIVE NZ
FEMALE CAMEL WITH TWO HUMPS 10YRS
C0 M0
GOLD, BLACK CIRCLES
Owner: Scribes Association
Trainer: SIC EM REX
Driver: Dumb Bum Scribe
5666793912 - s3972
1 out - 2 back at bell, sulky contacted, inconvenienced. checked, back in standing start draw.
Last Win: Guinness Cup

4 AKA DAKA WE WILL DACK THEE
FT
FAKE LEFT USA - HITBOUND
BAY/BROWN NO BALLS 6YRS
PURPLE, PINK SASH & SLEEVES
Owner: SCRIBES UNITED
Trainer: I R HEATHEN
Rider: SNOT FACE
613535121155148525397856683843522263 - 224
galloped out.
Last Win: Rainbow Worrier Stakes

5 POODLE PUBES
FT
TERRIFIC - WAIT FOR-ETH THEE
BROWN CAMEL 6YRS
RED, WHITE CIRCLE, RED HTL LOGO,WHITE SLEEVES,RED ARMBANDS
Owner: L T TROLLOP
Trainer: GROUPIES UNITE
Rider: SHIT FACE
broke, stood down 2 trials.
1broke twice in running, stood down 2 trials.
Last Win: Mile High Club Cup

6 WHO PAINTED THY HOUSE?
FT
ORBITAL WONDER - FEED EM SHIT
BAY HORSE 4YRS
BLACK, ORANGE SASH & ARMBANDS
Owner: Tattler
Trainer: D HEAD
Rider: THEE ART A PROSTITUTE
s721216475777483270804550 - 3
raced wide.
1 out - 2 back at bell, caught wide early.
Last Win: Irish 2000 Guineas

7 FREE THEE FROM BAD COMPANY
FT
GOOD COMPANY - SO-SO COMPANY NZ
REALLY POXY CAMEL 4YRS
C0 M0
BLUE, WHITE SLEEVES & BLUE DIAMOND STRIPE
Owner: TUNNEL VISION
Trainer: Sniping Bitch & Snot Face
Riderr: THE HECKLER
1st horse 3 wide at bell, out of position at start, raced wide.
1 out - 2 back at bell, swabbed.
br7fr, , death seat at bell.
2nd horse 3 wide at bell, raced wide, hung in.
Last Win: Lap Dancer Mile

8 THOU ART NOT THY BEST FRIEND
FT
WISE WANKER GOT OUT OF THE PADDOCK SO WHO KNOWETH WHO GOT TO HER!
BAY/BROWN/CHESTNUT/BLACK/GREY BASTARD CAMEL 4YRS
LIGHT BLUE, DARK BLUE STAR & STARRED SLEEVES
Owner: I AM NOT JOHN THE MYSTERIOUS
Trainer: BART DEACON
Rider: A O BITESTHEDUST
s253s231250320 -
1 out - 2 back at bell, raced wide early stages, shat on Bris front lawn.
1st horse 3 wide at bell. 11-11
showed gate speed, caught wide early, locked wheels, pulled hard, farted in Bris general direction-eth.
Last Win: MERCURY CUP

9 ROGERS TWINKIE NZ
FT
IN THY POCKET USA - LOST COUNT NZ
GRUMPY CAMEL WITH BAD BREATH 4YRS
NAVY BLUE
Owner: F. Bulsara
Trainer: C Richards
Rider: B O Eltonia
br1fr, , 3rd horse 3 wide at bell.
pre race swab, 2nd horse 3 wide at bell, restrained at start, raced wide with cover, shifted out.
restrained at start, raced wide middle stages.
Last Win: Maximum Cockus Cup

10 CLOGGED ANUS
FT
PERFECT FART USA - CONSTIPATED
BAY CAMEL WITH BAD ATTITUDE 5YRS
Owner: Sycophantia Syndicate
Trainer: Crack Training Team
Rider: Shane Warne
Last Win: Slag Off Stakes

All bets can be-eth placed with Thy Censaur!

Thy money art on AKA DAKA WE WILL DACK THEE!

I, Brian the Wise, wilst taketh the finish line stereodaggyphotonicphotograph and post the results unto BRITHEWI.COM in Adobe-eth Photoshop upon Thy Mac Lapethtop.

Love,
Dr Bri the Wi Bookmaker-eth