The art of spakething art truly an art form-eth.

Thee willst endeavour to educateth ye in the art of spakething so-eth ye do-eth not hearken like a tosser.

Shouldst thou require a vessel of tea, thou doest not say "Cor, giveth unto thee a cuppa" but thou shouldst thusly spaketh in polite tones similtaneouslyeth raising thy little finger and sayeth 'EAU! Thee wouldst thusly adore-eth a vessel of tea!"

Likewise when thou art shocked by some tossers rude remarkeths or some low-eth life smoker walketh past thee, choke-ething thee will vile fumes, thou shouldst ne'er sayeth "'ere, bloody hell, what-eth the f**k art thou doething?" but thee shouldst thusly looketh most appalled and sayeth "EAU! GOODETH LORD! HOW COMMON!" and thusly turn-eth and huff-eth off thither yonder at once.

If ye art disgusted-eth at what appeareth in thy daily tablet, courtesy of those Dumb Bum Scribes, thee must utter the words 'EAU THY GODS! HEARKEN TO WHAT THESE DUMB BUM SCRIBES ART SCRIBING NOW!!! THEY ART ABSOLUTELY-ETH THE LEAU-EST, MOST DETESTABLE CREATURES ON EAURTH!!!" and at all times, thou shouldst thusly appear socially above these abhorrent creatures.

Taketh these wise words and studyeth! For they art the wise words of Brian the Wise for He art wise. Recite-eth them over and over until ye art sure-eth of them.

Until thy next lesson,

Bri the Wi