"What ever doest thou mean?" enquired the Lord God Freddie, getting rather excited.

"Well whosoever droppeth that almightly fart, hath causeth the cosmos to start" replied Brian the Wise.

"Of what thee speak, thou knowest not!" decreed Roger the Divine "Thou has partaken of too much of the prenatal fluids!".

"The answer you seeketh, my fellow Gods, is ne'er easy to visualise. we art talking of an explosion in space and that art, in modern cosmology the Big Bang . Prior to thus, there WAS no Space or Time. All Space-Time, all matter, all energy, and all of the Universe was IN that egg in which we thusly floated. We were all there, inside it as was the material with which we can createth the universe. I should liketh to live in the Milky Way and create a planets and suns and stars and all this I can do in Adobe Photoshop!" spake Brian the Wise verily excited.

He continued "As the all matter from the egg thither yonder expands from that Big Bang, Space expandeth too. Lo! tis not easy for thee to imagine but take a look through thy Hubble Telescope and thee shall see!"

"I can't see a bloody thing, it's all black" retorted Roger the Divine

"What!" yelled Brian the Wise in horror! "Oh Freddie, move thou arse!" spake Brian the Wise crossly "Why forartthou not taketh this seriously!"

"Harken to thee and I shall explaineth to thee. Imagine thusly a balloon, completely deflated, with dots painted upon it. If thou blow up the balloon, does not the surface of the balloon get bigger and bigger in area? And art not the dots further apart? Verily, I say unto thee, this hath happened to Us now, since the big fart! Doth not the balloon hath a two-dimensional surface, but curved around, so it hath no boundaries? Now, I say unto thee, imagine a creature living upon this surface - a creature only able to crawl but not to jump; he knoweth of only two directions - forward and back, and side to side. Pray doth he go in one direction, will he not eventually come back to the same dot he starteth off from? His Universe is two-dimensional. Upon the surface of the balloon, ne'er will he find an 'edge' to his available space - his Universe is "finite, but unbounded." I suggest unto thee that the three dimensional space that we Gods experience is also curved - the extra dimension being time. So alas, though we think we can keep going in one direction forever, in truth we will never cross a boundary - our universe too is finite, but unbounded."

"Thou art very wise" spake John the Mysterious

Brian the Wise, encouraged, went on "Now look thee upon those dots again. It mattereth not which dot our creature liveth upon, for whence the balloon expands, he seeth all the other dots getting further and further away from him. NO DOT ART SPECIAL! There art no central dot. And whenfor the balloon had an infinitely small size, ALL dots were at the centre, which at that time WAS the whole universe for the Balloon creatures. Likewise, in our universe, there art no central galaxy - no location that we can point to and say "Behold! A God farted there". Happeneth it did, everywhere and preceeded were it, by the smell."

"Well it were not I" spake The Lord God Freddie. "Roger the Divine must hath let it rip."

"Did not!" spake Roger the Divine crossly, "He whoeth smelt it, dealt it, it were Brian the Wise"

But Brian the Wise did not accepteth the blame for the Big Fart and did spake crossly to the other Gods and telleth them off for being childish.

"Thee may well argue" Brian the Wise growled to the other Gods "But hath thee considered how could matter have travelled further than light? Well, it hath not!"

"I doeth not care" spake the Lord God Freddie petulantly "For I did not doeth the fart!"

"Thusly I say unto thee" spake John the Mysterious after much thought "The matter would cometh from a wet fart, for art not farts made upeth of gas?"

"Thusly it is so" agreed Brian the Wise "The Universe is exactly as big as the distance light has travelled since that fart. But it hath no edge. We are not near the 'centre' OR the 'edge' but floateth about do we amongeth the matter of somebodys wet fart. These concepts art not pleasant but noweth we hath started the Universe, continue we must!"

"Doth that thee to understand?" Brian the Wise asked of the other Gods. " Fascinating stuff is it not?" for fascinate him it did thusly " Now I want us all to VISUALISE the Universe in our minds".

"Oh crap" spake the Lord God Freddie.

"Now Freddie, just TRY!" spake Brian the Wise."The truth is that in Nature there art concepts which we knoweth not in terms of our normal egg reference points. Thusly we can only believe, and that belief art justified if these concepts leadeth us to true predictions, as our vast Universe unfolds unto us."

"I, Doctor Brian the Wise -amateur cosmologist - know of such things"

"Bollocks" spake Roger the Divine "I canst see but bits of turd floating about"

"Createth if thee will" the Lord God Freddie spaeth unto Brian the Wise "A place called Heaven for us to live. And maketh it fabulous, for I, The Lord God Freddie shalt not live amongst common shit and neither should thee"

And it was thusly so. Brian the Wise did createth the Heavens in Adobe Photoshop.

"I say unto thee thusly so thither yonder" Brian the Wise went on " The SPEED OF RECESSION ART PROPORTIONAL TO THE DISTANCE BETWEENETH THEM. The speed of recession of a galaxy from us ..."

"Oh shuteth up and goest to sleep Brian" cut in The Lord God Freddie, "Thou art talking crapeth."

"Verily well" huffed Brian the Wise "But I art right, thee will see!

Night all"