An eTablet from Brian the Wise:

"Whereforeart thou?"

Can thee guesseth?

Confusedeth thy will be!

Standeth two cubits from these visions, tilteth thy head 3 cubits and standeth upon one leg and thee shall see!

Thou art in thy rented temple-tower in a new Land. Thou art as well catered for as any God shouldeth thusly be!

Thou hath a chook pen for thy omelettes,

an salon dryer for thy poodle perm,

a replica of thine own bed for slumber and,

best of all, thine very own Holy Exercise Bike and Behold! She art blonde and beautiful.

And now for slumber. And exercise. Three days shall thee needeth.