2. Lo! The journey of a thousand miles begineth with a brokeneth fan belt.

3. Behold! It art always darketh before dawn. So if thou art going to steal thou neighbor's newspaper, that art the time to doeth it. Though why thee wouldst wisheth to doeth that art beyond Brian the Wise for He detest-eth Dumb Bum Scribes.

4. Begatting art liketh air - it art not important unless thou art not gettingeth any. Roger the Divine knoweth not of this.

5. It art unadviseable to be-eth irreplaceable. If thou canst be replacedeth, thou canst be-eth promoted.

6. No one art hearkening until thou fart.

7. Always remembereth thou art unique - just liketh the multitudes there.

8. Ne'er testeth the depth of the water with both of thy feet.

9. If thou thinketh nobody cares if thou art alive, try missingeth a couple of car payments.

10. Beforeth thou criticize another, thou shouldst walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when thou criticize them, thou art a mile away, and thou haveth their shoes.

11. If at first thou don't succeed, skydiving art not for thee.

12. Giveth a man a fish, and he willeth eat for a day. Teacheth him how to fish, and he willeth sit-eth in a boat and drink vodka all day.

13. If thou lendeth someone $20 and ne'er see-eth that person again, it wert probably worth it.

14. If thou spaketh the truth, thou doeth not haveth to remember anything.

15. Some days thou art the bug; some days thou art the windshield.

16. Doeth not worry - it only seemeth kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment cometh from bad experience, and a lot of that cometh from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double thour money art to foldeth it in half and put-eth it back in thou pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathereth no foot.

20. Duct tape art liketh the Force - it haveth a light side and a darketh side, and lo, it doth holdeth the universe together.

21. There art two theories to arguing with women. Neither one worketh.

22. Generally spakething, thou art not learnething much when thou lips art moving.

23. Experience art something thou doeth not get until just after thou needeth it.

24. Ne'er miss a good chance to shutteth up. Brian the Wise ne'er heed-eth this.

25. We art born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our arse...then things becometh worse.

26. Ne'er, under any circumstances, taketh a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same-eth night, it stain-eth of thy yellow shorts.

27. There art a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

28. Fear not what happens, somebody will find a way to taketh it too seriously.

29. There cometh a time when thou shouldst stop expecting other people to maketh a big deal about thour birthday...around age 11.

30. Everyone seemeth normal until thou gettest to knoweth them.