BRIAN THE WISE STEP-ETH UP TO THE PODIUM

BRIAN THE WISE: 'Friends, Commoners, Plebs and Non-Descript Persons, giveth unto Thee thou attention!'

HECKLER: OH-ETH LOOK! A TALKING POODLE!

BRIAN THE WISE: Wherest?

HECKLER: Hey Wise One! We needeth longer straws!

BRIAN THE WISE: What art thou spakething of? Doth thou not realise Thee art about to deliver Thy Christmess Message? Thee must haveth complete silence! Now enough of thou silly chatter! It art a verily exciting time of the year, but thou must contain thineselves!

HECKLER: NICE VEST! DIDST THOU MOTHER MAKE-ETH IT FOR-ETH THEE, NANCY BOY?

BRIAN THE WISE: Yea, she thusly didst! Nice of Thee to notice! Thanks be-eth upon thee but Thy nameth art Brian the Wise, not Nancy! Doth ye not recognise Thee?

HECKLER: LO! IT LOOKETH LIKE A CHRISTMESS CRACKER GONE-ETH WRONG!

CROWD: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-ETH!

BRIAN THE WISE: Doth Thee insult Thy vest?

HECKLER: NAY! IT MATCHETH THY HEAD!

CROWD: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-ETH!

BRIAN THE WISE: Art thou all drunk-eth???

HECKLER: Nay! Not since being legless wert inventeth!!!

CROWD: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-ETH!

BRIAN THE WISE: THOU ART DRUNK! THOU ART ONLY ALLOWED ONE ALCOHOLIC DRINK! HATH THOU BEEN REFILLING?

HECKLER: NAY! WE ONLY HAVETH ONE DRINK! EVERYONE RAISE-ETH THEIR GLASSES AND DRINKETH OF A TOAST UNTO BRIAN THE WISE AND HIS GENEROSITY!

BRIAN THE WISE: *GASP* WHEREFOREART DIDST THOU GET-ETH OF THOSE GLASSES?

HECKLER: OUR STRAWS ART A BIT SHORT! DOTH THOU HAVE-ETH A LONGER ONE?

BRIAN THE WISE: ROGER THE DIVINE!!! WHEREFOREART THOU? THOU HATH RUINED THY CHRISTMESS MESSAGE!